Florida Divorce * Child Custody * Domestic Violence Law Lawyer | Boynton Beach

Divorce causes stress.

But divorce often is the result of stress as well. Including external stresses.

A report has recently come out ranking the largest fifty US metropolitan areas according to how stressful each is to live in.

The criteria that factor into the ranking include extent of:

1. divorce

2. unemployment

3. violent crime

4. property crime

5. suicides

6. alcohol consumption

7. mental health

8. sleep troubles

9. commute times and

10. cloudy days

Each of the stress-ranking criteria (including divorce rate but excluding number of cloudy days) would seem to be directly impacted by the recession and weakened state economy.

Despite Florida’s generally pleasant, sunny climate, our state’s larger urban areas, including West Palm Beach, occupy five of the ten most stressful positions among metropolitan areas in the US.

Of particular interest is that West Palm Beach’s divorce rate of 10.67% lies in the ninety-third percentile. Orlando has a 10.7% divorce rate, Jacksonville 12.3%, Tampa 12.3% and Miami 11. 5%.

Read more in this CNBC article: Most Stressful Cities.

Husband and Wife want to have a baby.

They resort to in vitro fertilization and freeze some of the embryos created for possible future use.

Husband’s and Wife’s marriage breaks down.

They are divorcing.

What happens to their frozen embryos?

Or, more precisely, which spouse gets to decide what happens to their frozen embryos?

To some extent, that depends on which state the couple live in. The case law, to the extent that there is state case law, goes every which way.

Prudence may suggest coming to an agreement on this issue before going down that road.

That may be done as part of a broader prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement.

Or it may be incorporated into an agreement with the in vitro fertility center.

The perfect solution? In theory, yes, but, in practice, maybe not so much, at least, depending upon where the interested parties live.

Because at least two states, New Jersey and Massachusetts, have reportedly cast such agreements aside in the face of one parent’s subsequent change of heart to no longer wanting to become a parent to a new baby.

Florida, on the other hand, not only recognizes agreements regarding frozen embryos but actually mandates that such agreements be made in advance (although this is not divorce-specific law but more a requirement of reproductive rights law).

It is worth noting, however, that, in the absence of such an agreement, Florida law explicitly recognizes the legal rights of both spouses over the embryos. A very good reason to make an agreement in advance and greatly reduce, if not eliminate, the uncertainty in the event of a later divorce.

But if the couple neglects to enter an agreement (or, presumably, if the agreement is ambiguous), it remains anyone’s guess what a court will decide to do with a couple’s frozen embryos.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: In Divorce, Who Gets the Embryos?

Divorce and child custody can be particularly complex when the separating couple has a minor child with special needs.

For many divorcing and separating parents of special needs children, not only are they new to the law governing divorce and child custody, but also the complex patchwork quilt of state and federal laws that may impact their special needs child’s long-term financial and legal future, into their adulthood …

And the special measures, far beyond the Individual Education Plan (IEP) their child may have, that they, as parents of special needs children, may need to take to protect their special needs children’s long-term legal and financial interests, into their special needs adult life.

This means that these parents have a lot to learn, more than most divorcing and separating parents. And a lot to do.

As far as the divorce or separation itself, child support is, of course, part and parcel of it if there are minor children, and most divorcing and separating parents know that. But many divorcing and separating parents are fuzzy on the particulars of child support.

Many divorcing and separating parents in Florida know that the obligation to support a child generally ends at the age of eighteen, and that the amount of child support is based upon statutory guidelines. True enough.

But what they usually do not know is that, where divorcing and separating parents in Florida have a special needs child, there are a couple of special twists to child support law.

First, the obligation to support a child who is dependent, such as a special needs child, may extend beyond the child’s eighteenth or nineteenth birthday or completion of high school, indeed, indefinitely. The child’s dependency must be the result of physical or mental incapacities from childhood.

Second, the amount of the child support obligation for a special needs child may deviate from the amount provided for in the child support guidelines. A greater amount of support may be awarded based upon the intact family’s preexisting spending to meet the child’s special needs.

Where the divorcing or separating parents of a special needs child have not done any special needs planning for their special needs child, their divorce or separation doubles as an opportunity to learn about special needs planning for their special needs child and to undertake some measures for the protection of their special needs child’s long-term financial and legal interests, into their adult lives with special needs.

Care and treatment for a special needs child over their lifetime can be quite expensive. It is never too early in their special needs child’s life for their parents to :

1. agree on and jointly designate formally a guardian for their special needs child in the event that both parents should die or otherwise be unable to care for their special needs child

2. consider seeking out government benefits available to their special needs child

3. consider ensuring that no gifts or inheritances pass directly to their special needs child, which could jeopardize their special needs child’s access to government benefits, such as Medicaid

4. consider establishing a special needs trust for their special needs child, to provide for their special needs child’s supplemental needs into their adulthood, without jeopardizing any government benefits their special needs child may receive, such as Medicaid

Read more in this Chicago Tribune article: Caregiving? Take care to plan for long term

Spouses divorcing in South Florida often have preconceived notions about how long it may take for their divorce to go through. Or how long it will take for their “emergency” motion to be heard by the divorce court.

These notions usually bear no relation whatsoever to the reality prevailing in family court here in South Florida.

They are typically idealistic as to how courts operate routinely, let alone during periods of budget cuts and the like, which can exert a sudden, dramatic impact.

Divorcing couples in South Florida would probably be even more shocked by the current reality in divorce courts in Essex County, New Jersey, which is close to New York City.

Specifically, all divorce trials of contested divorce cases in the family courts have been suspended / stopped / canceled. Indefinitely.

With six judicial vacancies unfilled, there simply aren’t enough judges to hear all the divorce cases waiting to be heard.

Reportedly because the governor of New Jersey has held up appointments of judges.

Reportedly because the opposing political party has held up appointments of commissioners to local governmental bodies.

So, perhaps impatient divorcing couples in South Florida should take solace in the fact that they don’t live in Essex County, New Jersey. Where the situation could always be worse.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: Want a Divorce in New Jersey? Get in Line

Iowa Husband and Wife are divorcing after nearly twenty years of marriage. They have three Children together.

Wife works part-time as a nurse and seeks alimony from Husband, a supervising mechanic.

Husband contends that Wife should work full-time to earn more money and receive benefits. Husband asks the court to reduce spousal support following a ten year period.

Wife has had multiple sclerosis since before the parties’ marriage. One of the symptoms of multiple sclerosis, a sometimes disabling disease, is extreme fatigue.

Wife maintains that she cannot work full-time because she requires a day off for rest after two days of work.

Wife’s medications to treat her multiple sclerosis will cost a whopping $4,300 per month if her coverage through Husband’s health insurance plan ends.

Husband earns five times Wife’s salary from his primary employment and his part-time work on the side.

At trial, the family court awards Wife $600 per month in permanent alimony. The divorce court further orders Husband to maintain Wife on his insurance as long as is permitted. The family court also awards Wife primary custody of their Children and awards Wife child support.

Both Husband and Wife appeal the family court’s rulings at trial.

On appeal, the intermediate level appellate court increases Wife’s award of permanent alimony to $700 per month, but reduces the award of child support. Otherwise, the court upholds the trial court’s rulings.

On appeal to Iowa’s highest court, the intermediate appellate court’s rulings are upheld.

Read more in this Iowa family court case.

Florida Husband and Wife are divorcing. Not amicably.

They have one Son, who is three years old. They are reportedly battling over custody and timesharing.

Husband arrives at Grandmother’s house to pick up Son for his visitation.

As Husband approaches Grandmother, Grandmother allegedly reveals a handgun and discharges three bullets into Husband.

Husband flees.

Grandmother calls the police … and reports that Husband drew a pistol and threatened her with it.

Grandmother files for a domestic violence restraining order of protection against Husband.

Husband later calls the police as well. But Husband’s account departs from Grandmother’s.

However there are two variations from the all too common “he said, she said” in divorce and domestic violence cases. First, the she is Husband’s mother-in-law, rather than his wife.

Second and more significantly, Husband captures the entire incident on an audio recorded by his cell phone’s video camera.

Grandmother is arrested for attempted murder and detained.

Read more in

1. this Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel article: Cheryl Hepner accused of shooting in-law Salvatore Miglino, of Boca Raton, sheriff’s office says

2. this Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel article: iPhone captures shooting in Tamarac, authorities say and

3. this Good Morning America ABC TV news article: Woman, 66, Shoots Estranged Son-in-Law Over Custody Dispute, Florida Police Say

Husband and Wife are divorcing. They have a Child.

They are using social media websites. And dating websites.

In the old days of social media, like last year, used to be your worst nightmare was your ex stumbling upon your indiscreet post that could hurt your divorce or child custody or child support or alimony case. That was then.

Now is now.

Husband happens to find some material online that he believes calls Wife’s parenting into question. Which spurs him to seek more of the same, from the presiding family court.

And the Connecticut family court obliges … and ups the “game”. Exponentially.

Specifically, the divorce court orders both divorcing spouses to submit to the family court – and to each other – all of their respective user ids and passwords on all social media websites they use and all of the dating websites that they use.

Meaning that, if it’s out there, it will surely be found.

Which may be why the Wife allegedly asks a friend to clean up after her and delete anything damaging left in her wake.

Only that backfires on the Wife … because the family court then enters an order enjoining or prohibiting either spouse from deleting any of their material from social media websites or dating websites.

Champions of individual privacy rights are sounding an alarm over this arguable invasion of both spouses’ privacy.

Interestingly though, the family court ruling reportedly violates the privacy policies and terms of use of several of the social media websites and dating websites involved.

This could potentially open up a can of worms. That could potentially result in consequences running the gamut from the websites in question closing both spouses’ respective accounts and banning them … to the websites in question formally intervening in the family court case to protect their users’ privacy rights and enforce their own privacy policies and terms of use.

One thing is for sure. We haven’t heard the last of these divorce court rulings.

Stay tuned …

Read more in this [Providence, RI / New Bedford, MA] NBC TV 10 news article: Divorcing couple ordered to provide Facebook passwords and this New York Daily News article: Divorcing couple ordered to hand over Facebook passwords

Just about everyone has either been divorced themselves or gone through it, vicariously, with a close friend or loved one.

That’s probably why just about everyone has an opinion on just about every aspect of divorce … and fancies themselves the expert to be giving you advice.

Regardless of whether the divorce they are familiar with occurred in the same state, subject to the same laws as yours, or of whether the circumstances of that case are even remotely similar to yours.

They all mean well, of course. But they generally just overwhelm you with input, breed confusion, anxiety and doubt, cost you extra legal fees for explanations of why your case or the applicable state law is different from their case and the law that applied to it and, worst of all, undermine your legal position and steer you into the proverbial doghouse with your judge.

(Take the example of one of my client’s buddy-advisors: “You don’t have to follow that court order. It’s unconstitutional. I saw that on the internet.” The it in question refers to child support. And the principled good buddy won’t be the one headed off to the pokey.)

In most cases, it’s really best not to discuss the details of your divorce with others. Not unless you want to see them in court … testifying under subpoena from your spouse – about the “private” information you leaked to them. Yeah. Oops.

And you don’t want to spill your guts on social media either. Those leaks don’t even require subpoenaing your buddy to testify.

If you can afford to hire divorce professionals, let them do their jobs for you. If you can’t, then do your best to learn and follow the rules and law yourself. Then rely on your own judgment. Don’t poll the universe about the specifics of your case.

And it’s not just women that get into trouble with this. In my experience, in general, men are just as prone as women to gossiping about their marriage and their divorce, and, in general, even more prone to leaking and polling.

Be the exception. In the end, you’ll be glad you were.

Read more in this Forbes piece: Warning: Don’t Let Friends, Family or Non-Divorce Professionals Give You Divorce Advice.

Husband, who owns a Nevada strip club, is convicted of federal tax charges.

Husband and Wife split up.

Husband serves one year on the federal charges and is released on probation in 2008.

A patron of Husband’s strip club sues Husband over severe personal injuries he sustains at the club.

In his divorce settlement with Wife, Husband keeps his club. And gives Wife pretty much everything else.

Three marital residences in different cities.

A $7 million investment account.

$5 million in alimony payable over five years.

Husband reportedly sells another strip club in Pennsylvania for about $1 million.

Husband allegedly puts the proceeds of sale into an offshore bank account … and distributes them to relatives.

The Court finds that Husband is misleading or evasive in his responses to the injured plaintiff’s inquiries into Husband’s finances.

And now the federal judge orders Husband back to federal prison for nine more months.

For violating the terms of his probation and allegedly lying to his probation officers. For living high off the hog thanks to undisclosed, protected assets and using his divorce to protect assets from the injured plaintiff and other creditors.

Husband appeals the new sentence.

Read more in this Las Vegas Review Journal article: Ex-strip club owner Rizzolo appeals return to prison.

The divorce rate for baby boomers, those fifty years old and more, is higher than and climbing more rapidly than for younger couples.

Yet divorce may impact middle-aged couples financially in ways that have a more lasting impact than with younger people.

To protect and preserve a settlement (especially for a dependent spouse for whom it may be particularly critical), a divorce financial analyst recommends the following measures immediately following the divorce:

1. Check your credit report. You probably should have done this during the divorce as well. After the divorce is a good time to do it again. This should verify the status of any debts that your ex was supposed to be paying or that were supposed to be paid off, catches any confusion surrounding any name changes after divorce and, last but not least, brings mistakes to your attention – so you can follow up and make sure they get corrected. If you are establishing and building your individual credit, you may want to repeat the process a number of times to track your progress.

2. Buy long term care insurance. You may be on your own now, solely or largely responsible for supporting yourself. And maybe children. You no longer have your spouse as a safety net. One catastrophic accident or illness can be devastating. Long term care insurance can plug that hole.

3. Appoint an Agent in Case of Disability or Incapacity. Now that your accounts are individual rather than joint and you probably have exclusive authority over them, it is prudent to designate someone other than your now ex who you can trust and count on to act for you in the event of a temporary or permanent disability or incapacity, whether physical or mental. One or more documents can authorize someone to access your financial accounts for your care and for your dependent children’s care, possibly to manage and/or dispose of your other property and to make medical decisions for you if you are unable to do so for yourself.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal Smart Money piece: 3 Financial Tips for Recently Divorced Boomers

Canadian Husband and Wife are in the middle of a divorce, their second from each other.

Couple’s assets are appraised.

A division of assets is determined.

To equalize the property division, Husband must pay Wife about $41,000.

Husband files for bankruptcy.

And as part of Husband’s bankruptcy case, Husband lists and ultimately discharges through the bankruptcy the $41,000 debt Husband owes to creditor-Wife.

There is something of an outcry in Canada over Husband’s ability to avoid his marital divorce obligations thanks to Canada’s bankruptcy laws.

Canadian Supreme Court highlights the problem as requiring legislation to “close the loophole”.

US bankruptcy laws differ from Canada’s laws.

Read more in this [Edmonton] Canadian TV article: SCC: Under bankruptcy law, divorcee cleared of payments.

Israeli Husband and Wife have secular divorce.

Wife seeks a Jewish divorce, called a get.

Husband refuses, in effect shackling Wife to him and blocking any remarriage in her faith.

Husband heads to Brooklyn.

And a New Jersey Rabbi, looking out for Wife, allegedly arranges for Husband to be kidnapped and roughed up in an effort to secure Wife’s get.

Husband grants Wife the get.

The Rabbi allegedly is no longer satisfied with just that, and tries to extort $100,000 for Wife from Husband’s father.

Now Rabbi and his wife face a federal prosecution on charges of kidnapping and coercion, which could culminate in life imprisonment if they are convicted.

Read more in this New York Post article: Silly rabbi! Bust for divorce force.

A study conducted by the University of Iowa concludes that early teens who become sexually active are more likely to divorce than those whose first sexual experience occurs later in life. This is particularly true where the early teens’ first sexual experience was not wanted or where they were ambivalent about it.

The statistics are dramatic. Thirty-one percent of sexually active teens divorce within five years after marriage and forty-seven percent within ten years after marriage.

This contrasts with fifteen percent and twenty-seven percent for women who abstain from sex until reaching adulthood.

The study also reports that the overwhelming majority of teens who become sexually active are ambivalent about it.

The study does not draw any clear cut conclusions as to the why behind its findings. It is possible that early teens who become sexually active are simply predisposed toward divorce, but it seems more likely that their sexual precocity fosters ideas and conduct that contribute toward divorce.

Read more in this University of Iowa press release: UI study examines link between teen sex and divorce rate.

In a significant number of divorces, the divorcing couple have one or more pets.

Under the law, pets are characterized as property and treated accordingly.

But some, if not all, family members, think of family pets as part of the family, even like children.

And the fate of the family pet or pets in divorce court can be complicated … and cold.

A pet health information website recently sponsored a study of the role and influence of pets in family life. It can be substantial.

Among other things, the survey concluded that a whopping ninety percent of pet parents (sometimes called “owners”) would give up money in a divorce in exchange for their pets.

And fight harder over their pets than over money.

Domestic abusers often use family pets to exert control over their victims. And victims of domestic abuse often remain with their abuser longer than they otherwise would out of concern for their pets.

Read more in this Huliq article: Animal lovers choose pets over alimony and presidential candidates.

Oklahoma Husband and Wife are divorcing.

Husband and Wife have Children together.

Children are removed and taken into protective custody because Husband uses a “sex toy” in the presence of one of their Children.

Wife drops Husband off at a lake for a fishing trip.

After Husband’s scheduled return, Wife allegedly files a report with the police to the effect that Husband has gone missing.

Due to changes in Wife’s account, police arrest her.

Wife later reportedly admits that Husband solicited her assistance in staging his death.

Husband is said to have been looking to avoid outstanding warrants for his arrest. And to start a new life after a sex change surgery.

Wife reportedly went along with Husband’s plan to be done with Husband and in the hope of re-gaining custody of Children.

Both Husband and Wife now stand charged with conspiracy to commit a crime by filing a false police report.

Read more in this Oklahoman news article: Divorcing Stillwater couple accused of trying to fake man’s death.

Five rules of divorce from North Dakota:

1. Cheating doesn’t matter. In the no-fault divorce world, that’s generally true. (Although this may vary from state to state.) Unless marital assets are squandered on the affair, anyway.

2. You can’t hide your assets. Well, strictly speaking, that may not be true. But it’s certainly risky business and inadvisable.

3. It’s never over. All too often, that does prove to be true … over and over and over again.

4. Get a prenup. Never a bad idea.

5. You’re not alone. Well, actually, this depends. Some spouses really are. They may not have to be, if they avail themselves of all available community resources. But some are. And some would be better off if they were, or at least had a smaller support team. It really is possible to have too much help, too much input, especially when it tugs you in too many different directions.

Read more in this [Fargo ND] KVLY & KXJB TV news article: 5 Rules of Divorce.

South Carolina Husband and Wife divorce.

The family court awards Wife permanent alimony and spousal support.

The family court also awards Wife a portion of Husband’s pension toward her share of equitable distribution and property division.

Some time after the divorce, Husband presses a modification action to terminate alimony or, at the least, reduce alimony.

Husband contends that there has been a substantial change in circumstances in that Husband (and Wife) are now receiving payouts from Husband’s pension. Husband argues that Wife’s alimony should be reduced dollar for dollar by the amount of the pension that she is now receiving.

The family court now rules that there is a substantial change of circumstances. And reduces, but does not terminate, the amount of alimony payable to Wife.

The family court also awards Wife her attorney’s fees in this modification proceeding.

Husband appeals the family court’s ruling on his modification case.

The appellate court holds that the alimony rulings made by the family court are within the family court’s exercise of discretion and affirms the family court’s rulings.

The appellate court also holds that the original property division award of the pension cannot be factored in to any modification, because the family court originally took it into account when it fashioned the original property division and alimony awards. Lastly, the appellate court upholds the award of attorney’s fees to Wife.

Read more in this [Orangeburg SC] Times and Democrat article: Court upholds divorce order.

Generally, withdrawing money from an IRA or similar retirement account prematurely is costly, in taxes and penalties. But this is exactly what must often happen in a divorce.

Giving rise to special exceptions rendering retirement account transfers incident to a divorce free of taxes or penalties.

If an entire IRA account is going to be transferred, it is permissible to simply change the name on the account from the original spouse-owner to the other spouse.

For partial transfers of an account, the methodology is “direct transfer”. In a nutshell, the owner spouse instructs the trustee to transfer a specified amount of the account’s funds to a retirement account in the other spouse’s name.

The transfer must be in accordance with a divorce judgment, so timing is important.

Pensions are divided via a different procedure, which I posted about in
Floridians: Don’t Take Your QDROs for Granted If You Are Entitled to Share in Your Ex’s Pension..

Read more in this Fox Business news article: Moving IRA Assets Under Divorce Decree.

One and one-half year old marriage of Russian Husband and Wife breaks down.

Couple and their child have apparently divided their time between England and Russia.

English wives reportedly typically receive more generous equitable distributions of marital assets than Russian wives.

Husband races to file for divorce in Russia and Wife races to file in England.

Husband wins that race. Sort of.

The British Court of Appeal has held that Wife is entitled to an additional equitable distribution property division award in England, upholding an award of 3 million UK pounds plus legal fees.

Only Husband hasn’t paid, and hasn’t set foot back in England since the court ruled … for fear of arrest.

The ruling undoubtedly bolsters England’s reputation as the so-called “divorce capital of the world”, and its popularity with international wives.

Read more in this UK Daily Mail article: Race to divorce: Russian wife, 27, wins £2.8million payout after just 18 months of marriage in UK

Canadian Husband is convicted of rape and murder.

Husband and Wife are divorcing.

Wife seeks to seal records in their divorce, allegedly to protect her privacy.

Some of Husband’s alleged victims contend that Husband began fraudulently transferring assets to Wife shortly after his arrest to avoid anticipated payouts which may be ordered to them and other judgment creditors.

Media attorneys also oppose sealing of the records or court-ordered bans on publication.

The Canadian family court has ordered that a written agreement between Husband and Wife be disclosed to media attorneys only, until the family court’s ruling after a full hearing on the merits of sealing or prohibiting publication.

As in Florida, Canada reportedly has a strong policy favoring treating divorce court case files as public records and disfavoring sealing records or prohibiting publication.

Read more in this CBC News article: Williams’s wife wants divorce records sealed and this Ottawa Citizen article: Judge: Russell Williams’ wife must disclose contract transferring marital assets.

Husband thinks Wife is having an affair.

Husband allegedly murders Wife’s suspected paramour.

Husband and Wife divorce.

Husband injures family court judge presiding over Husband’s and Wife’s divorce.

Husband allegedly also injures Wife’s divorce attorney.

Husband is under arrest for first degree murder of the believed paramour and two counts of attempted murder for the family court judge and his Wife’s divorce lawyer.

Husband seeks legal representation in his criminal cases by a public defender.

Husband is, however, denied a public defender because he reportedly has over $200,000 in assets.

Read more in this [Columbus, IN] Republic article: Man accused in Colo. Springs slaying, wounding of judge, to get private attorneys.

A new University of Michigan study concludes that twenty-eight percent of American mothers with two or more children have them with different fathers.

The study has 4000 women as participants.

The study also reports a substantial variance based on ethnicity, with:

• African American mothers at fifty-nine percent

• Hispancics at thirty-five percent and

• caucasians twenty-two percent

Factors making it more likely that children in a family would have different fathers include:

1. not living with a man at the time of birth

2. low income

3. limited education

Despite that, multiple fathers for multiple children in a family is pervasive at all income and educational levels.

Further, the phenomenon is more common among divorcees than single mothers.

The study has not yet been published and peer-reviewed.

Read more in this Business Week article: Many Moms Have Kids With Different Dads, U.S. Study Finds.

A personal finance expert opines that “modern” divorce is about money. And to a large extent, that’s true.

Of course, there may also be important noneconomic issues pertaining to parental responsibility and timesharing. But those are outside the focus of a personal finance expert.

Relative to the money aspects of divorce, however, here are some tips from the personal finance expert:

1. Follow the money. Copy records you can gain access to. Tax returns. Savings account statements. Retirement plans. Insurance policies. Financial statements. Wills. Trusts. Brokerage account statements. Credit card statements. Credit reports. Etc.

2. Poke around in the business. Business records. If the stakes are high enough, a forensic accountant may be warranted.

3. Protect yourself. Squirrel away a nest egg to see you through the case. A separate savings account is prudent. Ditto a separate credit card. Freeze the joint credit cards and any home equity lines of credit to avoid your spouse maxing them out.

4. Itemize premarital / nonmarital assets. Identify which were maintained separately and which were commingled with marital assets.

5. Don’t overlook your spouse’s pension and retirement accounts.

6. Be realistic in your expectations for alimony under the circumstances of your case and the law of your state. Also be aware that this is a rapidly evolving area of the law in many states. Depending upon both, you may want to have good handle on your reasonable employment and salary expectations.

7. Don’t overlook health care coverage and COBRA benefits.

8. If the assets and/or income involved are substantial, a tax advisor can be helpful in structuring a settlement to get the most tax-bang for your bucks.

9. Similarly, a divorce financial planner can also be helpful in evaluating settlement proposals and making your money work as hard for you as possible.

10. Bitter, protracted legal battles cost money. It is worth considering whether the reasonably anticipated benefits really justify the costs.

Read more in this CBS TV Money Watch article: 10 Steps to Avoid Losing Your Shirt in a Divorce.

As recently as the 1970s, rural Iowa boasted a divorce rate out of 1910s America at large.

And there were hardly any paternity cases for child support and/or child custody, between parents who were not married.

Rural Iowans went to church regularly, mothers stayed at home with children and, well, people in their world did not divorce.

But forty years later, things have changed … in a big way.

Except for the fact that most rural Iowans still belong to a church and attend regularly, now, rural Iowa pretty much mirrors the rest of America.

Rural Iowa women today are more likely to be college-educated than in the past … and more likely to be college-educated than rural men.

They are out in the workforce.

Being divorced no longer carries much of a stigma in rural Iowa.

And divorce has multiplied there by a magnitude of seven times.

And rural Iowa now has its share of paternity cases for child support and custody disputes between unmarried parents.

Read more in this New York Times article: Once Rare in Rural America, Divorce Is Changing the Face of Its Families.

It seems that tens of millions of people are burning their keyboards up on social networking sites, especially Facebook.

Interacting with everyone from friends and colleagues to friends from college and grad school … including long lost loves.

Apparently, there is something about the internet that tends to strip away restraints and inhibitions and lends itself to secrecy.

Permitting what would undoubtedly be innocent, casual, occasional contacts in the brick and mortar world into ongoing connections.

The difference between accidentally running into someone from your past and re-discovering someone from your past … and re-igniting an old flame.

So dramatic is this trend that Loyola University is warning couples against using Facebook, to guard against them becoming the one in five marriages allegedly “ruined” by Facebook.

Experts conclude that, in most cases, innocent curiosity and secrecy can turn into dangerous intimacy.

Read more in this [North Carolina] Huliq article: Divorce rates rise, curiosity and Facebook major culprits.

OK. Maybe it’s not your absolute worst nightmare, but it’s probably close.

You die. Your ex inherits some of your property.

What! How can that be? you ask.

Actually, in some states, there may be more than one way.

In Florida and many states though, the way this happens is that a spouse forgets to change their beneficiary designations on their nonprobate assets upon their divorce.

Clients always have a hard time getting this one when I raise this subject with them.

At risk of being simplistic, there are two kinds of property: probate property and nonprobate property.

Probate property is inherited as directed in the owner’s will.

So if you make a will during your marriage and don’t update it upon your divorce, your will still names your ex as your beneficiary. But Florida and many other states have laws that, in effect, write your ex out of your will if your will was made before your divorce was final.

So much for probate property.

But for many people, the majority, if not all of their assets are the other type of property, called nonprobate property. Some examples of nonprobate property include life insurance policies; IRAs, 401Ks and pension plans; a home or other property held in a trust; many bank accounts that are not titled in just one name, and so on.

Nonprobate assets have designated beneficiaries spelled out in their title documents. Wills don’t apply to them at all (unless the named beneficiary is an “estate”).

Suppose a spouse is named as the other spouse’s beneficiary for one of these assets during their marriage. Does the law write the ex out of the beneficiary designation after their divorce?

No, it doesn’t. If the owner-spouse doesn’t change their beneficiary designation after their divorce, their ex remains their beneficiary and inherits from them upon their death.

This was upheld by the US Supreme Court as recently as 2009.

Nightmare come true.

Easily avoided by immediately heeding your divorce lawyer’s advice to update all beneficiary designations and, just to be on the safe side, your will, immediately upon your divorce.

And while your at it, that’s also a good time to consider and address whether your ex is the right person to manage the assets you leave to your children in the unhappy event that you die while your children are still minors. Even if your ex is a wonderful parent, they may not be wonderful at managing those assets … especially if they are significant.

Read more in this Financial Planning article: Heir Loss.

Under current Utah law, no-fault divorce is available. And in such a divorce, fault is not a factor in determining alimony.

Proposed legislation is pending in Utah to modify this approach.

The bill would allow a judge to consider whether a stay-at-home, custodial parent was at fault in the divorce and, if not, award additional alimony toward the goal that they remain stay-at-home parents after the divorce.

Paradoxically, a different bill pending in Utah seeks to phase out permanent or long term (greater than five years) alimony. This mirrors debates and shifts in law playing out across the nation.

The role of fault in alimony and / or property division in no-fault divorce states such as Florida can be confusing. Some believe fault should be irrelevant.

Others believe that courts should be permitted to consider fault. Still others believe that economic fault alone should be considered.

Here in Florida, although divorce itself is granted without consideration of fault, the court may consider fault in both alimony or spousal support awards and in property division or equitable distribution. However, in practice, fault rarely comes into play unless the fault is economic in nature or the fault imposes an economic impact on the other spouse.

Read more in this [Salt Lake City] Desert News article: Bills would allow Utah judges to consider fault when awarding alimony.

UK Husband is injured in car accident and his leg is amputated.

Husband receives a substantial legal recovery due to the accident.

Husband and Wife later meet and marry. They have two children.

Husband and Wife decide to divorce. Wife seeks half of Husband’s legal recovery.

UK court awards Wife more than half of Husband’s legal recovery.

In light of the Court’s awards, Husband reportedly will have to sell his disabled-friendly home to move away from his children to a less expensive area.

Husband may appeal.

This ruling seems questionable in several respects were Florida law applicable.

Read more in this [UK] Daily Mirror article: Amputee has to give more than half his crash compo to wife in divorce.

Husband and Wife are unhappy.

They decide to get a divorce.

Wife files first. Or Husband does.

They agree on everything, making theirs an uncontested divorce.

They’d both like to get it over with quickly, but …

They have to wait a year – and attend state-mandated marriage counseling.

This is the scenario some North Dakota Republicans are looking to legislate in North Dakota. To lower the divorce rate.

There would be an exception for victims of domestic violence, where allegations are substantiated.

Some North Dakotans think this scheme sounds heavy handed and oppressive.

Read more in this WDAY News 6 970 AM news article: ND Bill would require mandatory marriage counseling for those seeking a divorce.

According to a divorce financial analyst, the following are the Top Five financial mistakes people make in divorce:

1. Not appreciating the liquidity or illiquidity of each asset

2. Not appreciating the consequence of taxes on each asset and transfer

3. Not appreciating the special considerations associated with retirement assets (taxes, early withdrawal penalties, etc.)

4. Not appreciating legal obligations regarding debt, and how credit ratings work

5. Not appreciating the unpleasant consequences of trying to hide / transfer marital assets

Read more in this [State College, PA] Centre Daily Times article: Identify all assets in divorce.