Florida Divorce * Child Custody * Domestic Violence Law Lawyer | Boynton Beach

Husband and Wife want to have a baby.

They resort to in vitro fertilization and freeze some of the embryos created for possible future use.

Husband’s and Wife’s marriage breaks down.

They are divorcing.

What happens to their frozen embryos?

Or, more precisely, which spouse gets to decide what happens to their frozen embryos?

To some extent, that depends on which state the couple live in. The case law, to the extent that there is state case law, goes every which way.

Prudence may suggest coming to an agreement on this issue before going down that road.

That may be done as part of a broader prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement.

Or it may be incorporated into an agreement with the in vitro fertility center.

The perfect solution? In theory, yes, but, in practice, maybe not so much, at least, depending upon where the interested parties live.

Because at least two states, New Jersey and Massachusetts, have reportedly cast such agreements aside in the face of one parent’s subsequent change of heart to no longer wanting to become a parent to a new baby.

Florida, on the other hand, not only recognizes agreements regarding frozen embryos but actually mandates that such agreements be made in advance (although this is not divorce-specific law but more a requirement of reproductive rights law).

It is worth noting, however, that, in the absence of such an agreement, Florida law explicitly recognizes the legal rights of both spouses over the embryos. A very good reason to make an agreement in advance and greatly reduce, if not eliminate, the uncertainty in the event of a later divorce.

But if the couple neglects to enter an agreement (or, presumably, if the agreement is ambiguous), it remains anyone’s guess what a court will decide to do with a couple’s frozen embryos.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: In Divorce, Who Gets the Embryos?

Getting married later in life is generally more complicated. Each spouse is more likely to have kids, assets, debts and health issues.

Accordingly, couples should reach agreement on the following matters before tying the knot:

1. how will expenses be shared / paid

2. which spouse will provide medical insurance, and how will it be paid for

3. to whom will each spouse leave their assets upon their death

4. should each spouse’s life / estate planning documents (wills, living trusts, powers of attorney, health care surrogates, etc.) be changed

5. should designations of beneficiaries of each spouse’s nonprobate assets (life insurance, IRAs, bank and brokerage accounts, etc.) be changed

6. should the couple enter a prenuptial agreement or prenup

7. should each spouse change their designations of beneficiaries of any other retirement, social security or pension benefits, and should the other spouse sign any necessary waivers of interest in such assets

8. has each spouse assessed the impact on their cash flow of loss of alimony and survivor’s benefits from previous spouses

The above considerations are not exhaustive but should serve as a springboard for discussion.

Read more in this Fairfield CT Minuteman News article: Financial planning for later-life marriages.

Husband, who owns a Nevada strip club, is convicted of federal tax charges.

Husband and Wife split up.

Husband serves one year on the federal charges and is released on probation in 2008.

A patron of Husband’s strip club sues Husband over severe personal injuries he sustains at the club.

In his divorce settlement with Wife, Husband keeps his club. And gives Wife pretty much everything else.

Three marital residences in different cities.

A $7 million investment account.

$5 million in alimony payable over five years.

Husband reportedly sells another strip club in Pennsylvania for about $1 million.

Husband allegedly puts the proceeds of sale into an offshore bank account … and distributes them to relatives.

The Court finds that Husband is misleading or evasive in his responses to the injured plaintiff’s inquiries into Husband’s finances.

And now the federal judge orders Husband back to federal prison for nine more months.

For violating the terms of his probation and allegedly lying to his probation officers. For living high off the hog thanks to undisclosed, protected assets and using his divorce to protect assets from the injured plaintiff and other creditors.

Husband appeals the new sentence.

Read more in this Las Vegas Review Journal article: Ex-strip club owner Rizzolo appeals return to prison.

A Scottish-resident Mother of a young Daughter, who has accumulated substantial savings to date and already owns her own home, wonders whether she should have prenuptial agreement prior to her approaching wedding.

Without hesitation, absolutely yes. This Mother is the perfect example of whom a prenuptial or antenuptial agreement is for.

First, Mother has a young child to provide for who is not her future spouse’s child.

What would happen if Mother were to die?

Who would inherit Mother’s savings and other personal property? Her home? Would Daughter have to be uprooted? Rely on other relatives’ financial resources?

Depending upon precisely how it is drafted, a prenup may apply not only to divorce, but also in the event of one spouse’s death.

(Incidentally, that aspect of a prenup may make it more palatable to bring up with your fiance and may render your intended more receptive to it as well.)

And what if the couple does eventually divorce? As a very substantial percentage of married couples do.

Granted, from a pure, rigid, abstract, theoretical view, inheritances and premarital property are considered separate property and will not be divided between spouses in case of divorce.

But then there’s the often muddy, shifting, complex real world that we actually live in.

Where separate property may appreciate during the marriage, be renovated or improved during the marriage, get mixed up or commingled with marital property during the marriage, be spent on the family unit during the marriage, be maintained in part with the other partner’s income and/or assets and/or efforts, etc., etc.

And, when any of these things – or many others – happens, all legal bets are off … without a prenup, and related supporting legal documents.

Of course, Scottish law does not apply to Florida divorces, property, or death, estates and inheritance.

And prenuptial agreements or antenuptial agreements are well-recognized and accepted in Florida and throughout the US.

Read more in this Money help desk: Can I protect assets before wedding?

Whether it’s the economy or other forces at work, prenuptial agreements, or prenups, continue to gain popularity. While it used to typically be the husband-to-be who requested a prenup, these days it is slightly more likely to be the wife-to-be seeking it.

Prenups are no longer just about protecting assets. In this age of runaway debt, they are also about protecting one spouse from the other’s debt.

Some common mistakes to avoid are:

• Getting it done with only one attorney and thinking that that attorney represents both fiances. One attorney cannot represent the interests of both intendeds.

• Not knowing the property division law in the state in question.

• Not knowing how to enter a calm and clear-headed discussion about the issues with the other future spouse.

• Not carefully reviewing the agreement and not taking its words at face value. The less-endowed partner should be wary of provisions intended to regulate behavior … or deny the existence of any marital property that the less endowed spouse would leave the marriage with.

• Giving up too much without adequate consideration of long term consequences. For example, how would a stay at home caregiver and homemaker for many years support themself in the event of divorce if they waive alimony in the agreement?

Read more in this Reuters Wealth piece- Prenup: 5 ways to protect your assets and your marriage.

Divorce is about moving from here to there, emotionally. But it also represents a move from here to there, financially.

Many divorcing spouses focus on their emotional destination, to the exclusion of all else. They would benefit from putting some thought into their financial destination and situation as well.

For that purpose, it may be useful to:

1. create a realistic post-separation budget … before you agree to any settlement

2. open individual credit cards in just your name and close any joint credit card accounts

3. run your credit report with all the major credit reporting agencies … for the best chance of avoiding later surprises

4. don’t let your emotions alone rule big decisions such as whether to stay in the marital home … these should be at least partly financial decisions

5. be reasonable – don’t get caught up in waging expensive legal battles over (relative) trinkets

Read more in this Yahoo Shine article from Quizzle: Getting a Divorce? 5 Ways to Ensure It’s Not a Financial Disaster.

Husband, a partner at a large and prestigious New York law firm, and Wife, also an attorney, divorced in 2006. The couple had marital assets valued at $13 million at the time of their divorce.

Among their assets, the couple had invested several million dollars with Bernie Madoff. Husband opted to keep the Madoff account and other assets, so Husband wrote Wife a check as an equalization payment. In other words, so that Wife ended up with half of the value of the marital assets.

After the divorce, Husband invested additional money with Bernie Madoff.

Fast forward two years. Madoff is exposed for running a Ponzi scheme.

As things turned out, Husband figures he got the short end of the divorce stick. And that doesn’t sit right.

Husband wants to recoup his losses. So he sues …

Wife. Arguing, interestingly and creatively, that both Husband and Wife overestimated the value of their Madoff investments, so the equalization payment Husband made to Wife was larger than it should have been and …. should be refunded in part.

The New York family court dismissed Husband’s claim at trial. After all, as a matter of policy, divorce settlements are supposed to be final – unless, among a few narrow exceptions, one spouse commits fraud on the other.

There is no suggestion by Husband that Wife engaged in any fraud or nondisclosure. If anyone did, it was Bernie Madoff.

Husband’s law firm is representing him without charge, so … Husband appeals the family court’s ruling at trial.

On appeal, an intermediate appellate court reinstated Husband’s claim based on the contract law doctrine of “mutual mistake”. And yes, although most people probably don’t think of it that way, a marital settlement agreement is a contract.

Depending on the ultimate outcome of this case, not only might numerous divorce cases be revisited but also even more numerous contract disputes.

Read more in this Yahoo News Lookout piece: Citing Madoff fraud, lawyer wants divorce deal do-over and this New York Times article: Madoff Victim Seeks Divorce Do-Over.

For those who missed the prenup boat, the postnup or postnuptial agreement is coming of age.

What’s a postnup? It’s basically a prenup, only executed after the wedding day.

Like a prenup, it can spell out what a couple wants to happen to assets acquired by either or both spouses during the marriage, as well as premarital or otherwise separate nonmarital assets of either spouse, in the event of their divorce or the death of either.

Why would a couple do a postnup?

Several possible reasons. As some examples:

1. They didn’t do a prenup.

2. They’ve had a change of heart and want to update or modify a prenup, in whole or in part.

3. They’ve had a change of circumstances or assets and want to update or modify a prenup, in whole or in part.

4. Their marriage feels less solid than it used to.

5. New children or grandchildren enter the picture.

Actually, a postnup can also address child custody and/or support issues, but any provision as to those issues is subject to review and approval or modification by the family court.

In these uncertain times, postnups are gaining significant traction.

Couples who execute postnuptial agreements should take note that, because they are already married, family law holds them to what is called a fiduciary duty to each other, and requires that each spouse make full and fair disclosure of their financial picture to their spouse.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal article: Some Already Wed Couples Agree to Disagree.

Canadian Husband is convicted of rape and murder.

Husband and Wife are divorcing.

Wife seeks to seal records in their divorce, allegedly to protect her privacy.

Some of Husband’s alleged victims contend that Husband began fraudulently transferring assets to Wife shortly after his arrest to avoid anticipated payouts which may be ordered to them and other judgment creditors.

Media attorneys also oppose sealing of the records or court-ordered bans on publication.

The Canadian family court has ordered that a written agreement between Husband and Wife be disclosed to media attorneys only, until the family court’s ruling after a full hearing on the merits of sealing or prohibiting publication.

As in Florida, Canada reportedly has a strong policy favoring treating divorce court case files as public records and disfavoring sealing records or prohibiting publication.

Read more in this CBC News article: Williams’s wife wants divorce records sealed and this Ottawa Citizen article: Judge: Russell Williams’ wife must disclose contract transferring marital assets.

Forty-plus Girlfriend and Boyfriend get engaged to be married. It is the first marriage for both.

Girlfriend owns a business and has an investment portfolio. Boyfriend has significantly less assets than Girlfriend.

Girlfriend’s friends advise her to enter a prenuptial agreement, also known as a prenup, with Boyfriend.

Girlfriend wonders whether her friends are correct and she should have a prenup. Secondarily, she wonders how to broach the subject with Boyfriend.

Where either intended spouse owns a business prior to marriage, they should definitely consider a premarital agreement.

Experience teaches that you can never go wrong planning for and expecting the best … but preparing for the worst. Both from a business standpoint and personally, having a prenuptial agreement just makes good sense for a small business owner.

In the event a marriage doesn’t work out, a prenup will save both spouses money, time and heartache.

Without a prenup, a contentious divorce (sometimes even one that is not so contentious) can paralyze a business, erode its value, and even kill it.

In a nutshell, an antenuptial agreement can mean the difference between an uncontested divorce and a contentious divorce.

If someone must go through a divorce, an uncontested divorce is surely
preferable to a contentious one.

As for broaching the subject, spouses must be able to discuss everything with each other. A prenup is just one of those kinds of things.

Read more in this [MI] Observer and Eccentric article: Prenuptial agreement is always a good idea.

Wedding approaching?

• Anticipating an inheritance?

• Active in a family owned business?

• Have children from a previous marriage you want to provide for?

• Accumulated premarital property?

These are just a few of the circumstances in which a prenuptial agreement, or prenup, should be considered.

Without a prenup, what happens in the event of a divorce, or one spouse’s death, can be uncertain or simply not what the spouses intended.

With a prenuptial agreement, intended spouses can reduce uncertainty and exert control over issues like property division and alimony in the event of a divorce, and inheritance in the event of a spouse’s death.

They may not be romantic, but prenups permit post-divorce (or post-death) financial affairs to be settled more rapidly, less expensively and more predictably.

Read more in this Local Tech Wire release: Premarital agreements – Hoping for the best, planning for the worst.

Husband and Wife live in New York. They married in the US.

But they come from France. And it just so happens that they entered a prenuptial agreement (prenup) on an occasion when they were in France.

It was Wife, or rather her family who pushed for the prenup.

Flash forward thirteen years.

It turns out Husband has done pretty well over the intervening years.

Now Husband and Wife are divorcing, in New York.

Wife argues that the New York law should control their divorce. And the prenuptial agreement they signed in France should be ignored.

If so, the couple’s assets would likely be divided equally.

Husband, on the other hand, argues that the prenup should be enforced. And French law should govern their divorce.

If so, each spouse would keep the assets held in their respective names.

Of course, a third alternative may be the most likely outcome: the prenup is upheld and New York law applies to it.

Read more in this UPI article: Over the years, though, Husband has done pretty well and this Business Insider article: Sarkozy’s Banker Brother Got Rich And Now His Wife Wants Their Pre-Nup Voided.

Prenuptial agreements, or prenups, are highly recommended for owners of closely held businesses.

After all, the future Husband and Wife may not be the only ones impacted by a prenup, or lack of same. There may be children.

And there may be other extended family members also affected.

A prenuptial agreement is the only way of protecting the interests of all those other folks and the business itself, in addition to the actively involved future spouse.

For the faint-hearted future spouse uncomfortable with broaching the subject, there is a simple solution.

Incorporate the requirement of a prenuptial agreement right into the shareholders’ agreement or members’ agreement, or other business management documents.

This approach makes the prenup mandatory, but depersonalizes the issue.

After all, divorce of a principal is de-stabilizing to the entire business, and the threat of a fragmentation of a spouse’s ownership interest and rights threatens harmonious management.

A prenup can specify ownership, voting rights, valuation, buyout where appropriate, characterize property as marital or nonmarital by agreement, and provide for death of a future spouse as well as the possibility of divorce. As well as other issues.

Read more in this Delmarva [MD] Daily Times article: Business owners: Consider prenuptial policy.

Fiance is in a romantic haze. Not thinking prenup.

Or thinking prenup but unwilling to broach the subject with his or her significant other.

What to do?

Well, one way to avoid having to talk with the intended spouse about this possibly unpleasant subject is to simply take unilateral premarital action.

And set up a trust.

A properly drawn – and properly funded – trust can protect a person from themself.

That includes the spouse they may choose in the event that things don’t work out (or, even if they do).

And the creditors they may become indebted to.

Although more expensive than a prenup, a trust offers certain advantages, such as privacy and autonomy.

In fact, in many situations, a trust is desirable even when there is a prenuptial agreement.

Read more in this Financial Advisor magazine article: Shielding An Estate From Unloved In-Laws.

2010 brings new concerns to the world of divorce. And calls for new measures.

And so it is that some divorcing couples are starting to adopt divorce social media policies and put them in writing. A targeted species of nondisclosure agreement, concentrated on keeping the details of a divorce off of social media.

That’s right.

Couples are coming to terms about how much or how little of their divorce they want to see aired on social networking sites. Where it will be there for all the world to see. Forever.

No photos. Keep the kids out of it. Too soon to talk about new significant others. No character assassinations. Synchronized “no comments”.

What’s off limits. Including that everything is off limits, and it’s best to just take a break from social networking until it’s all over.

Such social media divorce agreements will undoubtedly find their way into prenuptial agreements of the future.

Read more in this [Ontario] National Post article: Divorcing spouses quit Facebook in favour of privacy.

New Jersey Husband and schoolteacher-Wife have a toddler Daughter.

Husband and Wife divorce.

Father has reasonable visitation and timesharing.

Husband and Wife experience conflict over co-parenting, especially Daughter’s diet and sleep requirements.

According to Mother’s attorney, Mother is overprotective of Daughter, insisting on extremely detailed accounts of both during Husband’s timesharing. To get them, Wife reportedly calls Husband two to four, or even more times per day during Husband’s timesharing with Daughter.

Wife plans to relocate to Florida. Husband plans to follow them.

Husband’s and Wife’s settlement agreement requires Wife to provide reduced-rental housing for Husband in Florida for the first five years.

The agreement also requires Wife’s father to help Husband get a new job in Florida, and waives child support until Husband gets a job.

And then Husband is found murdered.

The unlikely suspects?

Schoolteacher-Wife and her businessman-father.

Husband and Wife’s divorce settlement agreement provides that, if either parent dies, the other gets custody of Daughter. Exactly what the law would normally provide without an agreement, or if the agreement were silent on this issue.

Wife and her father are arrested in Husband’s murder.

Read more in this Asbury Park [NJ] Press article: Murder victim, ex-wife were at odds over child.

I previously posted in Minnesota Pleased with Early Results in Pilot Program to Resolve Custody Issues Amicably Outside Court about a pilot program in Minnesota using Early Neutral Evaluation.

The program is still going strong, and has expanded to other counties in Minnesota and to divorce cases with disputes over more varied issues, including financial disputes.

In this variation on mediation, both parties meet with two different evaluators, who each offer their own opinion as to the outcome on that issue if taken to court.

The program still boasts a settlement rate of between seventy and even eighty percent. After an investment of just six to fourteen hours of time.

The program’s proponents concede that early neutral evaluation is not suitable in cases where there is a history of domestic violence or other abuse.

The statistics on early neutral evaluation are certainly promising.

Some other metrics of the program’s success are whether participants feel satisfied with the outcome afterwards.

Unfortunately, a significant number of participants in ordinary pro se (without lawyers) mediation don’t totally understand that they aren’t required to reach agreement or to “give in” to the proposal that the mediator (here, evaluator) seems to be directing them toward.

This can lead to “settlements” that are, in essence, coerced and don’t keep the peace for long.

Read more in this press release: Early Neutral Evaluation Pilot Showing Great Promise in Minnesota.

Sign of the times.

Arizona Husband and Wife’ s marriage has broken down.

Husband and Wife have three Children.

Husband and Wife can’t sell their home in the current economy.

So Husband and Wife – and Children – are all still living together … going on nine months into their “divorce”.

Along the way, Husband and Wife attend mediations – and family counseling.

And it’s all being filmed for public airing on primetime television.

Still living together. Nine months. Dirty laundry on TV.

And yet another three months of “living together” after Husband and Wife reach a settlement.

It would appear to be somewhat subjective whether so-called amicable resolution via mediation is always better than not-so-amicable resolution via litigation (which can also place people in mediation and result in settlement – and separation … faster).

Husband, Wife and Children’s psychologist doesn’t recommend the “living together” approach to divorce that Husband and Wife have adopted.

But different strokes …

Read more in this ABC News Primetime article: House of Hurt: ‘Separated’ Couple Stuck Living Together Through Divorce.

Everyone has heard of prenups, or prenuptial agreements. If properly done, generally enforceable and increasingly popular.

What if the couple is slow and doesn’t get their prenup done before the wedding? Assuming they both still wish they had signed a prenup in time, is all lost?

That depends on what state they live in.

Massachusetts’ highest court just formally recognized postnups, or postnuptial agreements which are made during the marriage – provided they are carefully reviewed and approved by a family court judge.

Florida, along with many other states, also allows postnuptial agreements. The duty to disclose financial information is greater between already married couples than merely engaged couples though.

Like prenups, postnuptial property settlement agreements can spell out property rights in the event of a divorce or separation, or the death of a spouse.

Read more in this Boston Globe article: In a first for Mass., SJC approves post-nuptial contracts.

What may become the highest ticket divorce in the world is about to unfold in Switzerland around a super-wealthy Russian couple.

Husband made his money in mining. All 6 Billion UK pounds of it … or, according to Wife, much more.

Among their assets are a valuable art collection featuring paintings by the greatest artists of all time, a yacht worth 72 million pounds and high end real estate scattered around the globe. Including a 62 million pound mansion down the road in Palm Beach, Florida. Previous owner: Donald Trump.

Wife alleges that Husband has had multiple affairs, and carried on with some of his mistresses on their very own yacht.

Wife (of more than twenty years) is seeking nearly 4 billion pounds as what she claims is her fair share (half) of Husband’s true wealth.

Wife also alleges that Husband has hidden assets abroad.

Husband, however, alleges that Wife signed a postnuptial agreement precluding as huge a property division award to her as she is seeking.

Husband also contends that he no longer possesses much of the wealth Wife attributes to him.

Although Russian nationals, the couple and their children have lived in Geneva since 1995.

Read more in this [UK] Telegraph article: Russian oligarch facing world’s most expensive divorce.

A financial advisor offers some comprehensive life planning advice that is also well worth reading for anyone contemplatling divorce.

Acting upon this advice, especially having a premarital agreement based upon discussions inspired by it, could save substantial money and hostility in the event of a divorce.

Things to discuss and decide together:

1. who will be responsible for which debts and liabilities?
2. remember, even after the wedding, while there’s marital harmony, it’s never too late to come up with a postnuptial agreement, if desired
3. who will be the primary caregiver for the children?
4. will the primary caregiver take time off work? how long?
5. how will any needed daycare be paid for and chosen?
6. how will healthcare for mother and baby be paid for?
7. how much savings does the family need in case of emergency?
8. how will life insurance on the primary breadwinner be paid for?
9. how will the children’s college be paid for? when will you start saving for it?
10. do you need living trusts, medical powers of attorney, wills, etc?
11. will the person handling your final affairs be able to locate and access your safe deposit box and identify your accountant, financial planner, insurance agent, attorney, etc?

Divorce specific:

1. how should property be divided, so that each spouse receives sufficient liquid assets as well as not so liquid assets?
2. how can you give the children stability and continuity after divorce?
3. who will take care of the children most of the time? when will the other parent see the children?
4. how will the children be supported financially?
5. should retirement accounts, trusts, wills, etc. be updated to protect the children and reflect the change in marital status?

Read more in this Sacramento KCRA-TV 3 news article: Paying For Life: Marriage.

Prenuptial agreements (or prenups) should be as routine as wedding planning and marriage preparation.

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce.

Some divorces turn very, very nasty and very, very expensive.

A lot of that can be avoided with a sound antenuptial agreement.

If a couple is discussing incomes, bills, spending, savings, money expectations, money plans (and they should be), a prenup is just part and parcel of that conversation.

Every engaged couple should consider a prenup regardless of how little they may have today (things change), but an antenuptial agreement is especially worthwhile in the following situations:

1. when either or both future spouses own significant assets at the time of marriage

2. when either future spouse already has children from a previous relationship

3. when one future spouse has an interest in a business

4. when there is a considerable difference in the incomes of the two future spouses

5. when there is a significant age difference between the future spouses

6. when either future spouse agrees to support the other during their professional education or training

7. when it is anticipated that either spouse will inherit property

Read more in this CNBC news article: Wedding season mantra: Till prenup do us part.

The kissing cousin of the prenuptial agreement is the cohabitation agreement.

Depending on the state where the cohabitants live, a cohabitation agreement may create rights or deny rights.

Regardless of the state, a cohabitation agreement may be made between:

1. romantic couples testing the waters prior to marriage
2. platonic couples living as roommates to share expenses and pool resources
3. gay couples in states where gays cannot legally marry or enter civil unions.

There are roughly 3.5 million cohabitants in the US.

Like prenups, a cohabitation agreement can address rights in the event of breakup or death of one party.

Unlike prenups, cohabitation agreements are governed by contract law, not family law.

It is prudent to draft them as pertaining to a business / monetary arrangement, rather than a thinly veiled prenup or postnup agreement.

Some tips:

1. be sure to cover the basics before plunging ahead to more complex matters
2. don’t contract for personal services, especially sexual services
3. each party should have their own attorney
4. disagreements should be required to be addressed in mediation before court

Read more in this Philadelphia Gay News article: Out Law: The pre-prenup.

Husband and Wife have had a stormy relationship for some time.

Their lives are far removed from the legal system.

Their resources are modest.

They have a Toddler and an early Teen.

Wife decides to divorce. Wife hires a divorce attorney.

Husband does not.

Eventually, the Court orders mediation by a courthouse-employed Mediator, before trial.

Wife goes to mediation with her attorney.

Discussion turns to visitation and timesharing.

Wife states that Toddler should not be away from Wife overnight, in fact, not for very long at all.

Wife’s attorney agrees.

Mediator then agrees.

Wife’s attorney states that Court won’t “impose” visitation and timesharing on Teen.

Mediator agrees that Teen will just do what Teen wants, so there’s no point in addressing timesharing with Teen in a settlement agreement.

Husband looks slowly around the conference table.

They all agree, he thinks silently. I guess I should … have to … agree.

Husband’s head nods agreement, but Husband’s heart silently protests.

Mediation runs long, so no agreement is signed that day. Fortunately for Husband.

Here is the untold story at mediation …

Husband has always worked evenings. Wife has always worked days.

Husband is the one who wakens the children every morning and gets them into their daily routine.

Husband and Toddler shuttle Teen to school on weekdays.

Husband takes Toddler back home and remains with Toddler until Toddler and Husband leave to pick Teen up from school.

Husband is the one who interacts with Teen’s teachers at school on a routine basis.

No need for daycare for Toddler. Husband is with him.

Husband is the one who takes Teen and Toddler to the pediatrician, the dentist, shopping for clothing and supplies, etc.

Husband is the one who chauffeurs Teen and Toddler to their daily activities.

Husband is the one who does activities with Teen and Toddler on weekend days, while Wife works.

In other words, from Teen’s and Toddler’s perspectives, Husband has been the “at home” parent, doing all the things an “at home” parent generally does.

Had Husband signed an agreement reflecting what Wife, Wife’s attorney and even the Mediator seemed to favor, Husband would have fared much worse in the settlement than he almost certainly would have fared in court.

Yes, Husband might have saved a lot of money by settling as the other participants steered him, but he would have lost out on having any further real relationship with Teen and Toddler.

Husband would have gotten the shaft.

Unfortunately, mediation horror stories are recounted to me regularly by people trying to cope with the aftermath of entering a bad settlement.

Mediation can save spouses money, time and bad feeling. Read more about that aspect of mediation in this press release by a mediator: Mediation: Affordable Bridge from Marital Strife to Happy Life.

But that’s true only if you don’t get the shaft.

Don’t misunderstand. Bad outcomes don’t make mediation a bad tool.

But it does make mediation potentially very dangerous for the unwary and untrained.

Ways to improve the likelihood of a fair and reasonable settlement at mediation:

1. having an attorney of your own to represent you at mediation

2. if you absolutely can’t afford that, the next best thing is to have an attorney of your own review any proposed settlement agreement and advise you on it before you sign it – afterwards is too late

3. if you absolutely can’t afford even that, it’s still better than nothing to at least consult with an attorney about your rights prior to your mediation

Bottom line: do yourself a favor. Don’t get the shaft. In the long run, that will cost you – and perhaps your children – a lot … in both money and grief.

The real estate market is in shambles.

Many homeowners are upside down in their mortgages.

Husband and Wife really can just barely keep up with mortgage as it is.

After divorce, they will have to support two homes on the same incomes.

A lot of divorcing couples shoot from the hip when it comes to dealing with their house and debts in settling (or litigating) their divorce.

One expert warns that couples are not truly divorced if they are still tied to a mortgage and other debt with their ex.

Cold, hard fact: joint debt means joint liability.

If either borrower defaults, both will have problems that they didn’t bargain for.

Like damaged credit, bankruptcy, foreclosure, etc.

The only way to eliminate the risk of the unknown and unforeseen is to sell the house before the divorce is final.

If one party wants to stay in the home, the cleanest way is to buy the other out and refinance their name off of the mortgage.

And nothing should be taken for granted. The home should be thoroughly inspected and appraised to make sure that the buying spouse understands what they are signing up for.

Whether selling the home before the divorce is final works for you or not, one lesson drawn is surely valid: when it comes to financial and legal obligations, you can’t do too much due diligence in your divorce.

Read more in this Santa Clarita Valley [CA] Signal article: Divorcing your house along with the spouse.

Lots of people about to embark on the path toward divorce are shocked to learn that their spouse may have some claim to part or all of certain assets that they initially acquired prior to their marriage – or inherited during their marriage.

These folks are even more shocked when they learn that, for the most part, it didn’t have to be that way …

If they had only spoken to an attorney a lot sooner, and titled and / or managed their assets a little more wisely.

A prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement is probably the least expensive and optimal vehicle to head off a divorce-triggered disaster before it happens.

But there are other methods as well, some fairly simple and inexpensive, and some, such as various types of trusts, more complex and, therefore, potentially more costly.

The applicable law governing these divorce and/or estate planning issues may vary considerably from state to state. For example, some states apply the law of equitable distribution upon divorce and others apply community property law. There may be many other differences as well.

Florida is an equitable distribution state and not a community property state, so that must be kept in mind in reading the following referenced article.

Nonetheless, any analysis that gets anyone started thinking about these issues is a step in the right direction. But it’s only the first step …

Read more in this Lake County [Lakeport, CA] News article: Estate planning: Separate property trusts for married persons.

As we look forward to the dawn of a New Year, a glimpse of divorce and separation in Olde England of yesteryear is revealed.

The 1774 marital settlement agreement between Elizabeth Paine and early American patriot and revolutionary Thomas Paine was rediscovered some years ago – in a novel from the period stored in a shop cellar in the UK.

The marital settlement agreement is set to go on exhibit in the new year.

As part of the divorce settlement, the unemployed Paine received UK 45 pounds, which reportedly paid for his transportation to America.

Before it’s resurfacing, the document had last been seen in 1892.

There is speculation that the book belonged to Paine’s wife.

This may be an example of how divorce shaped a man’s and a nation’s destiny.

Read more in this [UK] Guardian news article: Historic Paine deed falls out of 18th century novel and this [UK] BBC news article: Historic separation deal on show.

Couple are married for thirty-three years. Wife, 61 years old, was a stay-at-home mother and then housewife.

Husband owns an investment company and a manufacturer of plastic parts for cars.

Husband earns about $4 million a year.

Couple own homes and timeshares throughout Canada and also right here in Florida.

Wife supervises maintenance of the couple’s properties.

Marriage breaks down. Spouses separate.

Husband gives Wife over $6 million in cash and investments.

Not bad but …

Wife’s disclosures show her monthly expenses as exceeding $115,000.

On considering Wife’s claim for alimony, a Toronto Canada court awards Wife $110,000 per month in alimony.

Better. This represents a record in Canada.

Read more in this UPI article: Record Canadian divorce settlement awarded.

In Europe, London has the dubious distinction of being the “divorce capital of the world”.

Apparently, highly generous spousal support awards are very common in the UK, even in short term marriages.

Traditionally, UK men were the ones paying out. But more recently, British women are often the ones writing large “manimony” checks.

And, not surprisingly, when women are the ones writing the alimony checks, they don’t like it any better than men do.

And it isn’t just the threat of spousal support striking fear into the hearts of well-off women.

Traditionally, UK women have also fared better than men in property division, as in receiving more than half of the property.

More financially able women now fear having the tables turned on them in this regard as well.

Result?

Well, for one thing, in Britain, women are the ones insisting on prenuptial agreements (or prenups) before marriage these days.

For another, important women are clamoring for family law reform to correct systemic injustices now increasingly adversely impacting women.

Other changes in the UK divorce world include social ones encouraging men to seek alimony and more than their fair share of property – and child custody too.

Oh, in the UK nowadays, ten percent of marriages fail within five years.

And attorneys are starting to advise wealthy clients against marrying at all …

Please note that Florida law places great weight on length of marriage in spousal support determinations and presumes an equal division of marital property.

Read more in this UK Times article: Rich woman are suffering painful divorce settlements.

They’ve been around for a while. But they weren’t universally or wholeheartedly embraced. Parenting coordinators.

But that will likely be changing next month. Due to a new statute.

And the recently imposed requirement that a parenting plan be made in Florida divorces involving children and Florida paternity cases involving children of separating parents who were never married.

A Florida parenting plan is a detailed statement of how parenting responsibilities (decisionmaking, timesharing and support) will be allocated between the parents. More detailed than marital settlement agreements and paternity settlement agreements have commonly been in the past.

Many parents find it difficult to agree on all of the provisions in a complete Florida parenting plan … Leaving it to the court to work out the details of the parenting plan.

Enter the parenting coordinator.

After the parenting plan is entered by the court, many parents find it difficult to live by the plan. Conflict erupts at exchanges.

Again, enter the parenting coordinator.

A parenting coordinator works with parents outside the courtroom to amicably develop or implement a parenting plan without litigation, to arrive at a Florida uncontested divorce or uncontested paternity case.

Depending on the wording of the order of referral to parenting coordination, the parenting coordinator may make recommendations to the court, or may actually have limited authority to rule on and decide certain disputes between the parents.

But parenting coordinators’ primary focus is to help the parents work together to resolve parenting disputes on their own without conflict.

Read more in this press release: National Cooperative Parenting Center Responds to New Florida Legislation.