Floridians going through divorce may draw a small measure of consolation reading about the impact of their budget cuts on New Yorkers’ divorces, if not actually personally commiserating with New Yorkers going through divorces.

New York judges, lawyers and divorcing couples reportedly all agree that New York’s court system is unmanageable, makes the process cost more than it would if it were in better shape, and needs to be “repaired”.

A dedicated Commission has written a roadmap of where the New York courts need to go, but getting there is another story.

Today in New York, waits for a trial date can be a year. Divorce trials are often heard in small chunks, spread out over weeks and even months. Requiring that spouses and their attorneys make numerous separate court appearances and that working spouses miss a fair number of full or half days of work.

Of course, court administrators lay the blame on attorneys and spouses, for not settling their cases or seeking trials earlier in the process. A successful mediation program launched in Westchester County may be replicated in other counties.

The bottom line that came out of a meeting of attorneys in upstate New York is just as true in Florida as in New York:

1. disagreements over property division or child custody (or, for that matter, anything) will prolong a divorce and

2. one spouse has the power to, in effect, slam the brakes on the divorce

Underscoring the point that, if both spouses want a fast and inexpensive divorce, they must find a way to reach a settlement. Of course, that is often far easier said than done.

Read more in this [ Middletown, NY ] Times Herald-Record article: Divorces in New York eating up time and finances

Husband is kind of oblivious. Wife has pretty much made up her mind that she wants out.

What to do?

In years gone by, Wife might have suggested marital relationship counseling. And Husband very likely would have rejected the suggestion.

Today, Wife has another option, and it doesn’t require Husband’s participation, let alone commitment. It’s called discernment counseling (or mixed agenda counseling), and it’s a new concept.

And the purpose of it is to help Wife, the unhappy spouse in this instance, assess her options, including staying with Husband, and figure out what she really wants to do. On their own, on average, couples are stuck in an unhappy limbo for about six years.

Research shows that a significant percentage of divorcing spouses, maybe as many as thirty percent of individual spouses and both spouses in ten percent of divorcing couples, are open to reconciliation – and would avail themselves of a “reconciliation service” if one were provided through the divorce court system.

If desired, discernment counseling also facilitates coping by the spouse who wants to stay married.

Based on a small sampling of discernment couneling “patients”, forty percent opt to give reconciliation, utilizing marriage counseling, a try.

Marriage counselors advise:

• Bring up the subject of divorce early, rather than late, to open the lines of communication up before a decision to divorce is set in stone

• Give marriage counseling a shot if there is any conceivable chance of saving your marriage

• Allow your spouse the courtesy of reacting and responding

• Separate gradually

Read more in this Wall Street Journal article: When It’s Just Another Fight, and When It’s Over

Husband earns a pretty good salary. Wife earns substantially less.

Daycare is pretty expensive. It eats up a very substantial chunk of Wife’s salary.

Husband and Wife jointly decide that it just doesn’t make financial sense for Wife to work to, more or less, break even on daycare for the Children.

Fast forward.

Husband and Wife break up.

Now, Husband’s knee-jerk reaction is that he’s not going to pay for Wife to stay at home with Children. Wife should get out and get a job.

But Wife isn’t going to be able to earn any more money by virtue of the parents’ divorce or separation. And daycare won’t cost any less than it would have before the parents’ divorce or separation.

So, does it make any more financial sense for Wife to work, now that the pair are divorcing / separating? Is it any more cost-effective for Wife to work now that the pair are divorcing / separating?

While the legal landscape is certainly different and more legal considerations may need to be addressed, very carefully, despite Husband’s knee-jerk reaction, it may still be worthwhile to ask the above questions in the face of divorce or separation. And, depending upon the answers, take on the additional legal complexities and tackle the potential legal concerns head-on.

Read more in this CNN Money article: Moms: ‘I can’t afford to work’.

Wife works part-time and serves as Child’s primary caregiver.

Husband is laid off from his job. No replacement job is in sight.

Husband and Wife are struggling financially.

At Husband’s suggestion, Wife increases her hours on her job to full-time, temporarily.

Husband then suggests that he stay home with Child, to save substantial daycare expenses, temporarily.

All perfectly plausible and reasonable, of course.

Watershed: In families with a child under 5 years old in which the wife works, twenty percent of husbands are the primary caregiver of their child. And nearly half of all fathers are at least equal contributors to rearing of their children.

Three, six or twelve months later, Husband tells Wife he wants a divorce … and primary custody of Child.

Wife refuses to agree to that custody arrangement. She insists that she has always been Child’s primary caregiver – until Husband’s recent layoff.

Since Husband and Wife can’t agree, visitation and timesharing issues will be decided by a family court judge after a trial.

But the family court judge may actually put a great deal of weight not on the timesharing and visitation arrangement that was in effect for the longest amount of time but, rather, on the relatively recent and current visitation and timesharing arrangement – especially if it seems to be working well and the Child is doing well. In other words, if it ain’t broke …

So it is that that casually undertaken agreement for Husband to stay home with Child could suddenly, unexpectedly, turn a lot less temporary – maybe even permanent.

Moral of the story: despite the recession and cultural shifts taking place around them, Wife – or Husband, as the case may be – should consider very carefully before making any big lifestyle change requested or suggested by the other parent that affects primary caregiving of their child, even on a short-term or temporary basis.

The request / suggestion may, of course, be made in total innocence.

But the ultimate impact a bit down the road could be dramatic and decisive. And potentially haunt them until their child’s eighteenth birthday.

Read more in this CNN Money news article: Stay-at-home dads: More men choosing kids over career.

For reasons unknown, Child is acting out – badly. Child allegedly kicks Principal … and threatens to kill various school officials.

This is not Child’s first such incident at school. This time, Principal calls the police.

Child is kicking and screaming when police arrive, attributing his conduct to the devil. Police arrest Child … and charge him with battery.

The Principal expresses concern for the safety of other students and school personnel. But describes Child as a “good student-just having some difficulties”.

Law enforcement authorities state perhaps the most compelling reason for Child’s arrest: the juvenile justice system’s vast resources can be brought to bear toward helping this troubled Child … where his parents’ limited resources have failed and they, like his school, are frustrated and stymied.

This is one of a number of similar cases in the news recently. Juvenile delinquency is often a symptom of family difficulties.

The sad thing is that there may be undiscovered community resources available to help Child without resort to the juvenile justice system. Unfortunately, too often, such resources are not well publicized.

Pushing parents and schools to call the police on children. When the parents and the children in question might benefit more from consulting an attorney knowledgeable of the local juvenile courts and community resources and services for juveniles.

Read more in

• this [Cleveland] CBS News article: Kindergartner, 6, arrested and charged with battery for kicking principal

• this [Tampa] CBS WTSP News 10 article: 6-year-old arrested for kicking principal and

• this [UK] Daily Mail article: Six-year-old arrested and carted to police station in the back of a cop car after kicking and threatening to kill his principal

Wife takes the Children on vacation to Puerto Rico in June of 2009. Husband expects their return in August of that year.

But then Wife advises Husband that she and the Children will remain in Puerto Rico.

Husband waits until April of 2010 and only then files in Texas for divorce and a child custody determination.

In June of 2010, Wife seeks a divorce and child custody determination in Puerto Rico.

Wife participates by phone in the Texas family court case, seeking a continuance and objecting to the court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over her and child custody subject matter jurisdiction over the Children under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA). The Texas divorce court denies the continuance and advises Wife that the Texas trial will go forward immediately, with or without her.

The Texas divorce court grants Husband a divorce and divides the marital property. The Texas family court also exercises jurisdiction over the Children under the UCCJEA, citing exigent circumstances and consent by Wife, awards Husband primary custody of Children and orders return of the Children to Texas.

At about the same time, the Puerto Rican family court exercises jurisdiction over Children over Husband’s objection, based on the fact that Children have lived in Puerto Rico for over a year and that the Texas family court has implicitly recognized that it does not have jurisdiction over the Children in a previous child support order.

Wife appeals the Texas divorce court judgment, again challenging both its exercise of personal jurisdiction over her and of child custody subject matter jurisdiction over the Children under the UCCJEA.

On appeal, the Texas appellate court finds that Wife waived her objection to the Texas family court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over her by fully participating in the divorce issues before the divorce court at trial. Legally, a party may consent to a court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over them, even if the court would not otherwise have personal jurisdiction.

Accordingly, the Texas appellate court affirms the Texas family court’s entry of Husband and Wife’s divorce and division of their marital property.

But the Texas family court’s exercise of child custody subject matter jurisdiction under the UCCJEA is another story.

Legally, subject matter jurisdiction cannot be consented to, or waived. If a court lacks it, as a matter of law, the court has no power or authority to proceed.

And the Texas appellate court finds that that was the case here. The home state of the Children had become Puerto Rico under the UCCJEA, where they had lived for more than six months prior to filing of either the Puerto Rican or Texas child custody cases.

The Puerto Rican family court never declined to exercise child custody subject matter jurisdiction over Children under the UCCJEA. And the circumstances in Texas did not fall within the strict requirements for exercise of temporary emergency jurisdiction, because the Children were not in Texas.

Therefore, the Texas appellate court dismisses all child custody orders entered and rulings made by the Texas family court under the UCCJEA, because the Puerto Rican family court has child custody subject matter jurisdiction over Children.

Read more in this Texas appellate court family law opinion

Her Ex-Boyfriend is a deputy with our own Palm Beach County, Florida Sheriff’s office. They didn’t go the distance.

So, come Valentine’s Day, while on the job, Ex-Boyfriend allegedly detoured to Boca Raton from his Wellington patrol and:

• secretly put a GPS tracking device on Ex-Girlfriend’s car

• hung signs at the law firm where she works, labeling her new boyfriend “a home wrecker and a cheater”

• posted Ex-Girlfriend’s photo online, describing her as a “cheater” and a “user”

• hung signs near Ex-Girlfriend’s workplace, stating that Ex-Girlfriend and her new boyfriend have an STD

• threatened to commit suicide and

• placed unwanted orders to have pizza delivered at Ex-Girlfriend’s new boyfriend’s home

Ex-Boyfriend is arrested on misdemeanor stalking charges, and confined. This may be in his own best interests.

Ex-Boyfriend reportedly also faces criminal charges in nearby Martin County for violating a domestic violence restraining order of protection. It is unclear whether this incident pertains to Ex-Girlfriend as well.

Ex-Boyfriend’s current status with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s office is not indicated. Nor whether Ex-Boyfriend has received any specialized training to respond to complaints of domestic violence.

Read more in

1. this Broward / Palm Beach New Times piece: PBSO Deputy Patrick Burt Stalked His Ex With GPS, Police Say, and You Can Too

2. this Broward / Palm Beach New Times piece: Patrick Burt, PBSO Deputy Charged With Stalking, Facing Domestic Violence Charges in Martin County Too and

3. this WPBF-TV 25 ABC news article: Patrick Burt allegedly posted unflattering comments on Cheaterville.com

They file their last joint tax return together. After years of filing joint tax returns.

Husband’s accountant always prepares the joint tax returns. And Wife always dutifully signs.

Husband and Wife go their separate ways, with no further contact between them.

The IRS takes a second look at one of their joint tax returns. And concludes that “the couple” has underreported their income.

Husband is nowhere to be found. So the IRS comes after Wife, who is barely getting by.

I’ve lost count of how many times non-clients have contacted me with a variation of this theme.

Under federal law, spouses who file joint tax returns are jointly liable. That means that each spouse is equally responsible for the entire joint tax liability.

This allows the IRS to pursue the full amount the couple owes from whichever spouse is an easier target.

This can result in harsh and unfair outcomes to a spouse earning less or nothing, who had no say in the other spouse’s reporting decisions, no access to underlying income information and no real choice but to sign the joint tax return presented.

The law does offer protection to some spouses in limited circumstances under the so-called innocent spouse rule . But it isn’t so easy to qualify for this protection.

Under the innocent spouse rule,

1. an innocent spouse hasn’t benefited from or enjoyed the unreported income

2. an innocent spouse doesn’t know or have reason to know about the improper income reporting and

3. it would be inequitable to hold an innocent spouse liable.

If you know or suspect funny business by your spouse, in addition to seeking protection in any divorce settlement you may enter, it may also be prudent to simply file taxes separately.

Read more in this BST article: Joint Returns: Spouses Are Guilty Until Proven Innocent.

Mississippi family court appoints Maternal Grandparents as the legal guardians of the Children.

At first, the Maternal Grandparents allow the Children’s Paternal Grandmother the same visitation as was originally awarded to Father by the divorce court.

But the Maternal Grandparents later reduce the Paternal Grandmother’s visitation.

So the Paternal Grandmother files a family court case seeking (more) grandparent visitation.

At trial, the family court awards Paternal Grandmother the same amount of timesharing that was awarded to Father in the original divorce court order.

Maternal Grandparents appeal.

This case stands out for pitting grandparent against grandparent … and totally overlooking the Children’s parents, even though they are both still alive.

And it is on this oversight that the appellate court hangs its hat in setting aside the family court’s ruling. The appellate court holds that the failure to name the Children’s parents as parties in the case is a jurisdictional defect depriving the family court of power to proceed on the Paternal Grandmother’s petition.

The appellate court could have stopped there but, also interestingly, elected to offer the family court additional guidance for its next round on this case. Specifically, the appellate court directed the family court to make more findings regarding the reasons for its award of visitation to the Paternal Grandmother, as required by Mississippi statute in all grandparent visitation cases.

It is not clear why the family court failed to make proper statutory findings at trial, but it is possible that the divorce court thought the applicable statute did not apply because it is expressed in terms of suit against parents, rather than guardians or custodians. But the appellate court finds that the statute does apply in the case at hand.

Read more in this Mississippi appellate case.

• Keystroke Loggers

• Hard Drives

• Browsers

• Social Media

• Text messages

• GPSes

Just a few of the high tech gadgets that may come into play in modern divorces, in more than one way. The ways that probably spring to mind first probably have to do with parental fitness for custody … or marital misconduct.

Because modern spouses conduct an enormous amount of their personal and professional business and interactions on their computers and the internet.

As a result, the technology is proving surprisingly effective at revealing hidden assets, both suspected and unexpected. Cheaper and faster than surveillance and experts lacking specific leads.

Of course, some of these informal investigations may be illegal. So beware that you are proceeding at your own peril – and against legal advice. And that you may not be able to use your illegal evidence in family court.

But, truthfully, that doesn’t mean it can’t come in handy. In settlement negotiations, for example. Or in informing completely legal discovery pursuits.

The reality is that there is need to dig for information.

Surveys report that nearly a third of spouses / partners aren’t forthcoming about money and assets with their significant others. And a whopping fifty-eight percent of them admit to hiding money from their significant other.

And the magnitude is sometimes extreme. One husband told his wife that a business he owned had no value. Google disagreed, revealing that he had received millions in proceeds from its sale.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal article: Why Hiding Money From Your Spouse Has Gotten a Lot Harder.

Husband and Wife separate and file for divorce in 2004.

Family court awards father visitation and timesharing based upon Husband’s and Wife’s agreement in 2008. The timesharing agreement is reflected in a family court order.

Wife subsequently obtains an excellent job offer – for a position in Canada.

Wife applies for a Visa. And Wife’s application is denied – because of the family court order granting Husband timesharing and visitation with Daughter.

Wife moves the family court for permission to relocate to Canada.

And the Indian family court grants Wife’s request in an ex parte (without prior notice to the other side) order, conditioning its ruling on Wife undertaking that she will allow Husband timesharing with Daughter whenever Wife is in India.

This Indian family court ruling bucks the last several years’ trend in Florida of very closely scrutinizing and liberally denying relocation requests by custodial parents.

But, in this particular case, the family court places great weight on the fact that Husband has not actually exercised any of his visitation or timesharing with Daughter since 2004.

The Indian family court recognizes that it is in the child’s best interests for Wife to take advantage of this economic opportunity. And that Wife should not be precluded from doing so by Husband’s rights set forth in an agreement and family court order that Husband is not honoring anyway.

Read more in this Times of India article: Errant father loses visitation rights after woman appeals

Effective October 1st, colleges and universities, both public and private, through their administrators and employees, must report to law enforcement allegations of abuse on campus or at off-campus school events.

Penalties for failing to so report include a fine of up to $1 million per incident, as well as felony charges.

Florida’s Department of Children and Families, which administers the state’s child abuse hotline, is ramping up to receive an anticipated additional 50,000 calls per year.

The new law also provides funding to assist victims with relocation.

Florida isn’t the only state that has reacted to the events at Penn State. Three other states have also since passed laws mandating that university officials report suspected child abuse.

Read more in this [Dallas-Ft. Worth] KDFW Fox 4 TV news article: Florida heralds nation’s toughest child abuse reporting law in wake of Sandusky scandal and this Palm Beach Post article: ‘Penn State’ child abuse reporting law signed into law by Gov. Scott

One criterion that most people do generally quite correctly associate with annulment is a union of very short duration. But there’s a new case out of India that flies in the face of that particular criterion – among others.

Indian Husband and Wife have been married for seventeen years.

But Husband and Wife have never actually lived together at all during their seventeen year marriage.

In fact, Wife didn’t even know they were married until very recently!

How can that be? Well …

It seems that Wife was only one year old when she was married to Husband. One. Yes, really.

And Husband probably has to be forgiven for robbing the cradle here. Because Husband was but three years old. Again, really.

Although illegal since 1929, parentally arranged marriages of children remain common in rural India.

Indeed, nearly half of Indian females are reportedly married by age seventeen. And forty percent of child marriages globally reportedly occur in India.

Upon being told that she was married and that it was time for her to go to live with Husband, Wife rejected their parents’ arrangement.

Astonishingly, this was reportedly a first.

Husband, by contrast, was prepared to honor their families’ arrangement, but came to respect Wife’s exercise of her free will.

Wife promptly consulted a social worker and child rights activist for assistance in annulling her marriage.

With the social worker’s assistance, the couple were able to secure an amicable, but nonetheless formal legal annulment of their marriage. The legal ground being that the marriage was null and void under the Indian law prohibiting child marriages.

Some Indians hope that the precedent established by Husband and Wife will encourage other young people in India to assert their own free wills and legal rights.

Read more in this MSNBC World News article: Indian baby bride Laxmi Sargara wins annulment in landmark case and this BBC India news article: Indian teenager annuls her child ‘marriage’

They are an international couple and divide their time among various locales. One of them being New York City.

Since their divorce was filed in 2008, Husband buys an apartment in Central Park West. A penthouse unit.

For $88 million. It may be for the couple’s adult daughter’s use. Or not.

Husband is a multi-billionaire. And Wife asserts that Husband bought the property, through a sham entity, to try to hide marital assets.

In alleged violation of a Swiss family court order freezing the couple’s marital assets during the divorce.

And so she filed a lawsuit in New York State, asking the court to impose a trust on the property for the protection of Wife’s interest in the property.

Husband acquired an even more expensive property in the West Palm Beach, Florida area in 2008. Wife previously filed a lawsuit in Florida similar to her New York lawsuit.

With the couple holding assets all over the world, such measures could grow tedious upon sufficient repetitions.

Read more in

• this Good Morning America ABC News piece: Divorcing Wife Sues Billionaire Over $88M NY Penthouse

• this New York Times article: Divorce, Oligarch Style

• this UK Daily Mail article: Divorce documents reveal the troubled family life of the Russian heiress with the $88M New York apartment
  

• this New York magazine article: Divorcing Wife Sues Dmitry Rybolovlev for Hiding Assets in 6,700-Foot Tax Shelter

All he needs is for the Woman who obtained the domestic violence restraining order to retract her testimony against him and to request that the court dismiss the order of protection against him.

How to accomplish that though. That is the rub.

So he allegedly goes to Woman’s home and assails her when she arrives there and is getting out of her car. Man bashes her head into the steering wheel and then drags her out of the car by her hair.

Man has all the papers he needs Woman to sign at hand, and simply threatens to break her neck if she refuses to sign them. He strikes her to drive his point home.

Bleeding on the papers, the Woman gives in and signs them.

The Man threatens the Woman against calling the police on him again.

Well, the Man does indeed file the papers, stained with the woman’s blood, with the court. He thinks of everything. Almost.

The Man now faces charges of stalking, assault, retaliation against a victim and other related charges.

The restraining order of protection was originally entered against Man for stalking the Woman, e-mailing her demands for money, texting threatening messages to her, calling her seventy different times per day, and assault.

Read more in this Salt Lake Tribune article: Ex-girlfriend is allegedly beaten into signing papers.

At trial, according to Husband, the family court enters a default judgment for Wife and divides Husband’s separate premarital property as though it were marital. Months later, Husband seeks reconsideration by the family court. Upon review, however, the family court sticks with its original rulings.

This case exemplifies how lay people often seem to perceive the legal system: the Court simply didn’t “get” it the first time around. Without really grasping precisely what, how and why their case went wrong the first time … and exactly how they can avoid repeating their previous performance the second time around. (If they properly avail themselves of the methods for potentially getting a second time around.)

Unfortunately, naivete, followed up with blind faith, is rarely a successful legal strategy. As illustrated by this case.

As with most cases under review, the reviewing court is generally deferential to the family court before which the case was tried – and will only set the ruling at trial aside if it appears, in effect, that the family court ruling was pulled out of thin air, without any justification or basis whatsoever.

And how does the reviewing court know whether this might be the case? From the trial record.

The trial record being a court reporter’s transcription of the trial. Usually, not inexpensive.

It is the responsibility of the party seeking the review to furnish the transcript to the reviewing court. Husband here failed to do so.

For that reason, the reviewing court is unable to evaluate the ruling at trial by the family court. And therefore the ruling by the family court is upheld.

The reviewing court’s ruling and rationale will undoubtedly strike many lay people as overly technical and harsh. Perhaps so.

But, nonetheless, totally predictable and not unusual.

And that is the valuable lesson that the layperson should take away from this case: the rules of procedure and the laws of evidence (and, for that matter, all rules and laws) matter in court, and apply to everyone in court, even lay people.

Read more in this intermediate level appellate case.

Engaging in four unhealthy modes of argument just may doom the marriage.

Argument styles that promote breakups include:

1. Personal criticisms

2. Contempt or disrespect

3. Dismissive defensiveness

4. Stonewalling and silence

Argument contents that promote breakups include:

1. overbroad accusations such as “you never” …

2. overbroad accusations such as “you always” …

3. personal insults or condescension

So, can cleaning up argument patterns avert a divorce?

Read more in this Yahoo Shine article: Four Negative Patterns That Predict Divorce.

Leader not only has multiple wives, but many of them are allegedly underaged girls. For which Leader was convicted of, and imprisoned for, child sexual assault.

Father’s Wife and his Children live in the Church. Father has been repeatedly ex-communicated from the Church by Leader …

And permanently banned by the Church from any contact at all with Wife and Children.

As a result, Father is divorcing Wife. And Father was reportedly awarded temporary custody of his Children in earlier divorce or child custody proceedings.

Now, in a separate case against Wife and Church leaders, Father seeks expedited visitation with Children and legal intervention. The Church reportedly exerts actual control over physical custody arrangements for children in the Church.

Father reportedly fears for the safety and welfare of the Children generally and, in particular, that his female Children may be coerced into premature marriages with adult men.

The Utah family court judge dismisses Father’s separate child custody case, ruling that judicial economy favors handling the child custody matters concerning the Children of the marriage within the divorce case, rather than in a separate child custody case. Generally true.

But, not indifferent to Father’s concerns, the divorce court judge advises Father that he may file a juvenile dependency case in juvenile court, if he believes that the Children are being abused.

Interestingly, another father ex-communicated by the Church and barred from any contact with his children, recently won temporary visitation and timesharing in the Utah family court in a case also filed against two of his ex-wives as well as certain Church leaders.

Leader reportedly ex-communicated 1,000 people from the Church. Which may signal an approaching flood of child custody and visitation litigation in Utah’s family courts.

Read more in

• this Salt Lake Tribune article: Polygamous sect custody case dismissed, joined with divorce case

• this St. George [UT] Spectrum article: Child custody case involving Warren Jeffs’ brother denied and

• this Fox 13 TV News article: Ex-FLDS man wins partial custody of children.

Couple divides their time between Florida and the UK. But the UK also doesn’t allow or recognize gay marriage.

Unfortunately, the couple now wants to divorce. And it’s proving easier said than done.

Out of the question where they live in Florida and the UK. Since they married in Toronto, that was their next choice.

But Toronto, like most places, has a residency requirement to avail yourself of a divorce there.

A full year, as is pretty typical. But too long for the couple.

So they are trying to avoid the residency requirement through a constitutional exemption. Presumably because Toronto allowed them to marry … and thereby left them without a place to divorce.

Their case is inching its way through the Canadian legal system, up, down and sideways.

On the bright side, legislation is pending in Canada to afford the remedy of divorce in Canada to couples like this one, who never lived there but who married there because gay marriage is legal there.

Sadly for them, either way, they probably won’t have their divorce finalized any time soon.

Undoubtedly, the couple did not consider this potential dilemma at the time that they traveled to Canada to get married.

They are far from the only gay couple in search of a place where they can obtain a legal divorce.

Read more in this Toronto Star article: Foreign same-sex couple’s bid for divorce drags on.

This personal finance coach suggests three different measures to achieve this:

1. achieve financial independence of your ex

2. develop financial boundaries that are healthy

3. dream your new life

The first measure requires creating a budget based upon your income and your expenses.

The second measure involves disentangling financially from your spouse. For example, eliminate joint obligations.

The third measure is to hatch your new dreams: financial, travel, adventure, spiritual, creative, physical, material, character, relationship, intellectual and legacy. At least a couple should be reachable within a couple of years.

Read more in this Durango [CO] Herald article: After a divorce, recover your financial health.

Awareness is the first step toward prevention.

Child abuse is a community problem and the entire community must be involved in solving it.

Keeping children enrolled in programs and activities tends to insulate them from, and reduce the chances of them straying into, harm’s way.

But studies in Australia correlate child abuse with substance abuse by their parents and mental illness afflicting their parents, as well as other domestic abuse in the family

Read more in this [Beckley, WV] Register-Herald article: ‘Child Abuse Awareness Month’ proclaimed and this Australian article: Child abuse ‘linked to parental issues’

One such drama focuses on a celebrity marriage that hit the skids after only seventy-two days (or just over two months). Not a record but, any way you slice it, a pretty short marriage.

And because of the short duration of the marriage, the couple would prefer an annulment to a divorce. Totally understandable.

But doable? That’s a different story.

Annulment laws vary from state to state. Further, annulment laws may actually be more arcane and idiosyncratic than divorce laws.

Most people equate annulment with brevity of a marriage. And they often do correlate highly.

But, at least in some states, mere brevity of a marriage is far from the only requirement to qualify for annulment rather than divorce.

Ironically, even in “no fault divorce” states such as Florida, annulment must have grounds – and they generally entail fault.

In some states, like Florida, depending upon the nature of the grounds relied upon, on the legal path toward annulment, a marriage may be classified as void or voidable – and the criteria to qualify for annulment vary depending upon whether the marriage is void or voidable.

In some states, like Florida, having consummated the marriage will generally operate to bar an annulment.

Now, the media is widely reporting that both of the celebrity couple are on the same page as far as wanting an annulment.

With each wanting the other to admit to having committed a certain fraud that they have in mind. Not surprisingly, each denies having themself committed a fraud .

The hoopla implies that annulment is attainable once the couple decide which of them will admit to the specific alleged frauds that are on the table in their negotiations.

Perhaps that is so under the state law that will apply, and given their celebrity status. But, in many states, the couple’s agreement is not necessarily enough.

While fraud may well be a basis upon which to obtain an annulment, the nature and quality of the fraud also factors into the mix. This can impact whether the marriage is merely voidable or void and whether consummation operates as a bar to annulment.

Bottom line being, don’t be misled by the celebrity breakup drama. In many states, in the vast majority of cases, qualifying for annulment is no easy matter – even where the couple are in total agreement.

Read more in this New York Post article: Both Kim and Kris willing to annul marriage — if other admits fraud: report and this Yahoo news article: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries ‘in deadlock over annulment’.

Over time, the business becomes the couple’s primary (or sole) income.

Husband and Wife separate and plan to divorce. Now, what about the business?

Depending on the dynamics, there may be more than one issue here.

The first potential issue is: going forward, who will operate and own the business. In many cases, where only one spouse actually ran the business in the first place, this issue is likely easily dealt with.

In others, where both spouses actually worked side-by-side in the business, this issue may be hotly contested. The outcome may turn upon what each spouse contributed functionally to the business and who will be most able to continue the business independently of the other spouse.

But alternative outcomes are possible, generally for reasons related to the second issue.

The second issue is how to compensate the spouse who will no longer be involved in the business, that is, valuation of the business for purposes of establishing a buyout value.

Large publicly traded companies are actually far easier to value than very small closely held companies. There are more variables that may more profoundly impact the valuation.

There are more than a few ways to go about valuing a business. Each has its strengths and weaknesses. Oftentimes, the result of several different approaches is considered in arriving at THE ultimate valuation.

The most accurate and reliable valuation is what a bona fide arms-length third party would pay for the business. And, if the parties cannot agree or put forth a compelling appraisal, the ultimate outcome may require exactly such a sale.

That is precisely the scenario under which various items of marital property are sold to third parties in some divorce cases and the proceeds divided between the spouses.

But ready, willing and able buyers generally only come forward for property that has a relatively readily ascertainable value.

Unfortunately, though, the reality is that small businesses often have far less value to a newcomer unacquainted with the particulars of the business than to the person or persons who conceived of it and built it from the ground up and know all of its ins and outs.

For all of the above reasons, business valuations can be complex and expensive and, ultimately, elusive. But if the parties cannot agree on a buyout value for the business, a professionally prepared business valuation may be the only way for the court to determine the business’ value.

In light of the expense involved, another option to consider may be an alimony arrangement as an alternative to division of the business. Or better yet, a combination of the two.

But, when considering such alternatives, it is critical to be aware that business performance can change over time (for the better or for the worse) due to changes in the market, the economy and even the change in operators. And the spouse accepting an alternative payout over time may ultimately receive less than they were entitled to.

Read more in this eCommerceBytes article: Four Things Online Sellers Should Know About Business Appraisals.

Part of the landmark legislation provides a rigid statutory framework for calculating temporary alimony for a needy spouse, rather than relegating the figure largely to judicial discretion.

Only, as the law gets applied in New York’s family courts, the framework reportedly leads, not infrequently, to unreasonable results, more litigation than ever, and confusion all around.

As in this case. Investment banker Husband is divorcing his guidance counselor Wife.

Wife earns $103,000 per year. Husband nets $12,775 per month.

Based on the first pass through the rigid statutory framework, the divorce court judge orders Husband to pay Wife combined temporary child support and temporary spousal support of … $17,000 per month.

That’s right … $4,000 per month more than Husband’s net monthly pay.

An impossible situation, turned still more impossible when Husband is laid off from his Wall Street job.

Husband seeks modification of his temporary alimony and spousal support as well as his temporary child support. And is, quite incidentally, elevated to the status of symbol of all that is wrong with the new New York statutory framework for calculating temporary alimony and spousal support.

Well, the family court judge reconsiders his previous ruling and makes a huge adjustment … despite the statutory framework, based on “economic reality”, of all things.

Under the family court’s modified ruling, Husband’s temporary alimony is dramatically cut in half, and the tax burden on the temporary alimony is shifted to Wife (which is the norm). Also, Husband’s child support is reduced by about one-fifth.

And, as if those changes were not broad enough, the divorce court also orders that all household expenses of the marital residence are shifted entirely to Wife, rather than shared.

A great outcome for Husband. Not so much for Wife.

From one extreme to the other? Perhaps.

Now Wife plans to appeal.

Which may lead to New York state’s appellate courts better interpreting and clarifying the recent legislation, perhaps to ultimate good effect in New York’s family courts.

Then again, the legislation may be facing something of an overhaul based upon case law accounts from the trenches.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal article: Divorce Ruling Revised.

The ensuing dialogue will undoubtedly be highly educational on many levels. Which may actually strengthen your relationship. Or at least ensure that you enter the marriage with your eyes wide open.

Having a prenuptial agreement vastly improves the odds that each spouse ends up with what they expected in the event of a divorce … or the death of the other spouse. (Yes, a prenup may come into play in that scenario also.)

A prenuptial agreement can also save a great deal of money – and animosity – litigating a contentious divorce.

Another benefit of a prenup is that the conversation and decisions made in a prenuptial agreement may exert sound influence over various lifestyle decisions during the marriage. For example, whether to start that business after all or whether to drop out of the work force to raise the kids.

Once you’ve made the joint decision that you want a prenup before your wedding, don’t delay.

Not executing the prenuptial agreement until the last minute only subjects the antenuptial agreement to greater risk of being set aside. Defeating the entire purpose of bothering to have a prenuptial agreement.

Read more in this US News & World Report article by way of Yahoo: Why Almost Everyone Needs a Prenup.

The Act has passionate advocates … and fervent detractors.

Although the Act is actually fairly broad-based in its scope of attack on domestic violence, it may be most well-known and most vigorously opposed in connection with its application to and by immigrants who allege that they are victims of domestic violence.

In a nutshell, immigrants who allege that they are victims of domestic violence are well-positioned to remain in the US despite lacking any other legal basis to do so.

Opponents of the Act maintain that the immigration haven provided by the Act incites false allegations by immigrants of domestic violence allegedly committed by Americans.

There can be little doubt that this contention is true in some instances, yet the Act also accomplishes much good. Many domestic violence shelters and programs (and the abuse victims they serve) rely on the Act for much of their funding.

Pending legislation spearheaded by Democrats would, if passed, extend the Act beyond September, maintain funding, and expand and strengthen the scope of the Act with regard to stalking as well as physical violence, illegal immigrants and same-sex relationships.

Read more in:

• this Daily Political article: Democrats to Extend Violence against Women Act

• this summary of the Violence Against Women Act – Overview

• this [Grand Forks, ND] WDAY TV News 6 article: At CVIC in Grand Forks, Heitkamp Vows Support for Violence Against Women Act

What does that have to do with divorce law? Child custody law? Domestic violence law?

By chance, two of the candidates currently seeking the presidency are or have been married to women diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

One of the candidates reportedly divorced his wife because of her diagnosis with multiple sclerosis.

Despite all the hoopla and backlash over his alleged conduct, as I posted in Warning to Seriously Ill Women: Be Prepared to Be Divorced … Now, the divorce rate among couples where the wife receives a serious diagnosis, such as multiple sclerosis, is 20.8 percent, as compared to the general population’s divorce rate of 11.6 percent.

In general, multiple sclerosis tends to strike women in their twenties to forties. In other words, their prime years for childbearing and childrearing and … for romantic breakups – resulting in child custody disputes.

That is how I came to be introduced to multiple sclerosis. And with each additional case I have handled where multiple sclerosis was a factor, my awareness and knowledge of multiple sclerosis has grown, almost exponentially, and on multiple levels.

Multiple sclerosis, like any serious chronic illness or potentially disabling condition, can sometimes resemble an intervening third party in a divorce case and/or child custody case.

And multiple sclerosis, like any chronic illness or potentially disabling condition, can potentially impact outcomes in family court cases for parental responsibility or child custody, timesharing and visitation, child support, spousal support and, possibly, even property division.

How and how much depends upon which family member is afflicted, and the precise nature, severity and impact of the condition in the particular individual.

And multiple sclerosis, like all chronic illnesses and potentially disabling conditions, can ravage intact families and childless couples breaking up as well.

Please raise your awareness of multiple sclerosis by reading more in this press release: MS Awareness Week March 12 – 18, 2012 and in this announcement in the South Charlotte [NC] News.

People’s relationship with and attitude towards money develops long before marriage.

Which is why good communication between spouses regarding money is critical.

A financial psychologist offers the following recommendations for couples struggling with this aspect of their marriage:

• Be forthright with your spouse about your attitude towards money and debt, and your spending and borrowing habits, as well as your monetary goals.

• Reach a concensus about the limits and parameters on one spouse’s individual spending and borrowing without consulting the other spouse.

• If you can’t work through your money disconnects with each other alone, it may be time to turn to a financial counselor to help both spouses get in sync with each other and on track toward their joint financial goals.

• Once you have your money blueprint in place, don’t forget about it. Reevaluate it frequently to see if it still works for you both. If not, revise it together.

Better yet, have these money talks even before getting married. Find out before you tie the knot whether you are both compatible monetarily, and whether you are able to work through any differences that come to light.

Read more in this Redbook article by way of Yahoo: 4 Money Talks Every Couple Needs to Have.

And, truthfully, no matter how hard we attorneys work to insulate our clients and their children from the legal process, their divorce case or child custody case undoubtedly is unpleasant for just about all family members.

Except possibly in an uncontested divorce case or an uncontested child custody case … Possibly.

A new client recently asked me: what are the most difficult divorce cases and child custody cases you deal with? By “difficult”, he didn’t mean in the sense of applying my legal skills to the representation of the client.

His question got me to thinking. There was a time when I probably would have answered, without hesitation, cases where one party abuses the other party … or their child.

But, in the last half dozen or so years especially, what I call the context or backdrop of many divorce cases and child custody cases has grown more diverse and complex – and central to the outcome of the family court case.

It’s hard to compare these particularly disturbing divorce court cases and child custody cases to one another quantitatively or qualitatively. But what is crystal clear quantitatively, however, is that these especially troubling family court cases, as a percentage of all family court cases we see and handle, has risen over time and, in the last several years in particular, has really shot up.

These particularly disturbing family court cases include those where:

1. either spouse / parent is a domestic violence abuser of the other spouse / parent

2. either spouse / parent is a sexual abuser of the other spouse / parent

3. either spouse / parent is a child abuser or child sexual predator or both

4. a child of the spouses / parents is a domestic abuser of either spouse / parent or their siblings (or extended family members)

5. a child of the spouses / parents is a sexual abuser of either spouse / parent or their siblings (or extended family members)

6. either spouse / parent or their child suffers from severe mental illness (psychosis, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, etc.)

7. either spouse / parent or their child suffers from severe, treatment-resistant alcoholism

8. either spouse / parent or their child suffers from severe, treatment-resistant drug addiction

9. the couple’s child has extensive and complex, likely permanent, special needs

10. either spouse / parent or their child suffers from a severe mental or physical disability (such as partial or total paralysis or particularly intractable bipolar disorder)

11. either spouse / parent or their child suffers from a serious chronic illness that is not (yet) disabling (such as chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, systemic lupus, etc.)

12. the couple’s child has been caught up in the juvenile justice system as a result of multiple serious juvenile delinquency convictions and

13. the couple is in desperate financial straits (such as fearing homelessness due to foreclosure and/or overwhelming debt resulting from prolonged unemployment or significant medical expenses not covered by insurance

I wish I could say that the above is an exhaustive list of the most disturbing types of divorce cases and child custody cases, but it’s not. Just some of the most troubling backdrops to family court cases that spring to mind as I write at this moment.

Depending on the particulars and family dynamics, these especiallly disturbing divorce court cases can be especially rough on one spouse / parent or a child, on both spouses / parents, or on the entire family.

But it doesn’t even stop there. To a much lesser extent, although it may not be obvious, these particularly troubling family court cases can be rough on family court mediators and divorce court judges hearing them as well. Really.

Granted, this doesn’t make your divorce case or child custody case any better or easier. But it could be worse, couldn’t it?

The internet has spawned another approach. Virtual marriage.

Partners in an online game enter virtual marriages by exchanging their marriage vows online as part of their game. Before their virtual friends and family. Sporting their engagement and wedding rings. After they “register” … in their online game.

The entire marriage exists online only. It’s not clear whether virtual couples can have virtual children.

The divorce rate for virtual marriages is a bit lower than that in the mundane real world, roughly forty-six percent.

That may sound like a pretty good statistic in a vacuum. But actually, it seems pretty high for a “part-time” marriage, far removed from the everyday travails of a real marriage.

And, although the virtual divorce rate is generally lower than in pedestrian real life, some years buck the trend. And some virtual divorces can turn almost as nasty as real-world divorces.

Virtual marriages may not be motivated by a desire to test drive a potential marriage partner for the real thing. They may be nothing more than a harmless online flirtation, or an attempt to induce a stranger in cyberspace to partner up for some online gameplay.

Still, perhaps would-be virtual couples should enter virtual prenups prior to their virtual marriages. Just in case …

Read more in this Yahoo Games article: Virtual marriages outlast real-world ones.

Before the ubiquity of the GPS, a would-be abuser / stalker generally had to actually follow their target, or get someone else to do it for them. Surveillance equipment or electronic (”bugs”) monitoring simply wasn’t accessible or viable for most domestic abusers / stalkers.

That reality gave the intended stalking victim a fighting chance of spotting a person fixated on them, or their agent, in the act of stalking them.

The GPS has changed all that.

Now, a domestic abuser / stalker can readily slap a GPS device on their target’s car, on the sly, and their target will likely be none the wiser.

Making it harder and harder for victims of domestic violence and / or stalking to find a haven from their stalkers / attackers … or even to evade them for an all-too-brief respite of peace and solitude.

It appears that only a couple of states criminalize use of GPS devices to track a vehicle’s movement without the owner’s consent. (And, of course, in the case of domestic abusers / stalkers, the term “owner” may be deemed to include them, thereby satisfying consent and decriminalizing their conduct.)

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: Private GPS Use Benefits Alzheimer’s Patients – And Jealous Spouses Too.

1. Not all money is created equally. Generating income by your own wits and labors imparts a sense of self-worth.

2. Debt is a gilded cage. It can bail you out, but it can also turn into something you need to be bailed out from.

3. A budget is the lynchpin of financial planning for the near future as well as long term. Everyone should “take care of business”, such as having wills, insurance, powers of attorney, etc.

4. You can’t buy happiness. And you can overspend your way to misery.

5. Lending money to loved ones can damage the relationship. Where appropriate, a gift may be a less damaging option to consider.

6. Yes, you should be saving money. For a rainy day. For retirement.

7. Take a look at your credit report periodically. You may be surprised by what you find. In addition to the usual suspects everyone faces risk of, it can reveal things that slipped through the cracks of your divorce.

Read more in this article syndicated on Yahoo: 7 Things Divorce Can Teach You About Money.

Woman and Lady both work as law enforcement officers in Florida.

The couple reportedly decide to have and raise a Child together.

Lady provides the egg for the birth.

Woman, by means of surgical implantation, carries the egg to term, and gives birth to Child in 2004.

Two years later, Woman and Lady break up.

Woman allegedly absconds with Child, to live in Australia.

Lady’s private detective eventually locates them.

Lady files a case in Florida family court to claim parental rights to Child.

At trial, the presiding Florida family court judge regretfully rules that Lady has no parental rights under the current state of Florida family law. However, the Florida family court judge further expresses that he looks forward to having his ruling reversed by a higher Florida court on appeal. Actively inviting appeal.

And, on appeal, that is precisely what happens. The intermediate level appellate court in Florida holds that both Lady and Woman have parental rights over Child.

Woman and Lady await word from the Florida Supreme Court as to whether it will entertain a further appeal.

The case turns upon:

1. applicability of Florida law arguably intended only to address parental status and rights (or lack of same) with regard to births merely facilitated by sperm and/or egg donations by third parties through assistive reproductive technology and

2. interpretation of the constitution as it relates to asserted rights to procreation and equal protection of the law for gay people.

Florida law currently rejects recognition of gay marriage and does not embrace parenting by gays (although the law governing the latter has recently embarked on some flux). Emerging law in this area could affect foster parenting, adoption and child custody involving gays in fact serving in parental roles in Florida.

Read more in this Associated Press article via Yahoo: Same-sex custody battle could change Florida law.

And sometimes the divorcing spouses each have a by-the-seat-of-the-pants valuation of their own.

And, sometimes, the valuations of the two experts or spouses, as the case may be, are dramatically different.

And so it is in Husband’s and Wife’s divorce. The parties own a liquor store business.

Husband’s expert values the business at $256,000.

But, according to Wife, Husband told a third party that the business is worth $600,000, and that a third party had offered that much for the business.

A very substantial discrepancy between the parties’ valuations.

How to resolve a dispute over valuations?

Well, the trial court presiding over this case apparently does what spouses themselves often do …

The time-honored approach of “let’s split the difference”.

This solution offers a tantalizingly simple elegance, is quick and free, avoiding what both spouses often agree they want to avoid: delay and added expense. And it chips away at the discrepancy between the competing valuations.

But while this approach often satisfies the parties themselves, a Florida appellate court reverses this approach on appeal.

Ruling that a trial court’s valuation must be based on “competent evidence” or support. Not the flipping of a coin or “splitting the difference”.

So, in valuation disputes where there is a big difference between the parties’ respective valuations, there will likely need to be a third valuation for a trial court to arrive at an ultimate valuation that can withstand appeal.

Or a settlement.

Read more in this Florida appellate court opinion.

Mother suffers from schizophrenia and is delusional.

And now Mother is pregnant. Only she refuses to accept that she is pregnant.

And her parents think she should have an abortion.

And, at trial, the Massachusetts family court agrees with them, and orders not only that Mother have an abortion. They also order that Mother be sterilized. Something no party in interest has even requested.

Mother is Catholic and describes herself in court as “very Catholic” and indicates she would never undergo an abortion.

The family court’s ruling at trial is grounded in avoidance of history repeating itself with Mother’s offspring. But it is also based on the fact that Mother will have to go off of her medications while carrying her fetus to term.

But the family court’s ruling was reversed on appeal. Because Massachusetts law requires that the court determine what the incapacitated person would choose if they were competent.

The appellate court finds that there was ample evidence that Mother opposed abortion and would have declined to have one.

A person can become incapacitated, legally incompetent- or even just unable to express their wishes – for themselves or for their minor children – in the blink of an eye.

The best way to protect yourself against what happened to Mother here is by being proactive while having capacity, competency and the ability to express your wishes.

Some of the tools available for that purpose include:

1. a will

2. living will

3. medical power of attorney or health care surrogate or health care proxy

4. designation of preneed guardian

5. durable general power of attorney

6. special needs trust or supplemental needs trust.

Everyone should really have each of these, but especially anyone with a minor child, and anyone with a disability or a disabling or potentially disabling condition, and anyone with a serious chronic illness or chronic condition.

Read more in this Boston Globe article: Disabled patients’ wishes ignored.

But they both want to continue to be good parents.

And they both want generous, regular timesharing and visitation.

Sound too routine to write about? Think again.

In this particular post though, the Husband and Wife under consideration aren’t negotiating about their their human children. They’re addressing co-parenting of their pets.

Which, with procreation on the slide, and pet adoption and pet pampering on the rise, is more and more common.

In contrast to co-parenting of human children though, a couple must reach an agreement on co-parenting arrangements – or else a family court will most likely “divide” their pets as part and parcel of all their marital property, with no deeper consideration. (If there are human children as well, a divorce court may order that the pet follow the children.)

Because the current state of family law categorizes pets as nothing more than personal property.

Law is slow to change, tending to lag behind social change.

But recent years have seen the domestic violence law in several states evolve to recognize that domestic abusers too often prey upon their victims in part through abuse and threatened abuse of family pets.

It is not a great leap for divorce law to recognize in family courts that pets may be very important to family members, on far deeper psychological and emotional levels than material possessions may be.

Which could pave the way for timesharing and visitation law, and possibly even custody law concerning pets.

Read more in this Associated Press article: Divorce lawyers: Pet custody cases increasing.

But one family-related statistic isn’t decreasing:

The percentage of all US births that are out-of-wedlock, at least those to mothers under the age of thirty (who represent two-thirds of all births).

Nationwide, that percentage has climbed to a solid majority of births, fifty-three (53%) percent.

In some communities, such as Lorain, Ohio, the percentage has risen to sixty-three (63%) percent.

Many reasons have been cited for these sweeping social changes:

1. Men perceive divorce law as inequitable and burdensome to them.

2. And women increasingly view men as, at best, unreliable noncontributors to their families, economically and otherwise. And, at worst, denizens of the criminal element.

3. Perhaps interestingly, some blame these social changes on the government-furnished safety net inspiring irresponsibility and unaccountability, more than the recession.

A local family court judge invokes the case of a man with nine out-of-wedlock children … by six different mothers. And his mounting child support arrearages.

On the other hand, in years gone by, as many as one-third of marriages may have been precipitated by accidental pregnanies – at a time when pregnancy stigmatized an unwed mother.

What does all this mean for the Florida family courts (and other states’ family courts)? Fewer divorce cases. More child support-only cases and more child custody cases, called paternity cases.

Read more in

• this New York Times article: Young Mothers Describe Marriage’s Fading Allure

• this New York Times slideshow: And Baby Makes Two and

• this New York Times article: For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage

Husband also allegedly pulls his hand back aiming to deliver a blow … but doesn’t.

Husband is arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

Husband is summoned before a Broward County, Florida criminal domestic violence judge for his so-called “first appearance”. Release on bond may be addressed at this brief hearing.

But in this particular case, the presiding criminal domestic violence judge reportedly goes a lot farther and all but tries this case on its merits. Finding that the alleged violence is “very minor” and concluding that Wife is not in danger … because Wife testifies – in her Husband’s presence – that “she [does] not fear for her life”.

Accordingly, the criminal domestic violence judge orders Husband to buy Wife flowers and a card, and then to take her out to dinner, followed by a game of bowling. The criminal domestic violence judge also orders marriage counseling.

It is not entirely clear whether Wife is under court order to accompany Husband to dinner and bowling, let alone marriage counseling.

The head of a leading nonprofit association serving victims of domestic violence has publicly condemned the unorthodox and controversial rulings by the criminal domestic violence judge.

One thing is certain: Every newly charged domestic violence defendant in Broward County will be asking their criminal domestic violence attorney if they can have their criminal domestic violence case before this criminal domestic violence judge. But, unfortunately for criminal domestic violence defendants, the answer is no.

Read more in

• this CBS TV 4 Miami news article: Domestic Violence Organization Reacts To Judge’s Unusual Ruling

• this [Broward and Palm Beach counties] New Times piece: Judge Sends Alleged Domestic Abuser on Date With Wife; Sun-Sentinel Thinks It’s Adorable

• this [Miami] Local 10 news article: Judge orders husband to dinner date with wife

What happens with that premarital property during their marriages varies widely from couple to couple.

As to one couple, the titleholding spouse may keep the title separate, pay any loans or expenses for the property from a separate account funded with separate premarital funds and keep any income generated by the property in a separate account for entirely nonmarital use.

As to another couple, at the other end of the spectrum, things may be more complicated. Maybe the other spouse contributed toward expenses of the premarital property. Or perhaps they contributed time, energy and skill to make improvements to the premarital property.

In either case, the question must be asked: has the premarital property actually increased in value over the course of the marriage?

Possible considerations. If so, how and why? General appreciation of the market? Specific improvements made to the property? Who did the work? How was it paid for?

These are examples of the kinds of situations and questions that have made addressing separate premarital property quite complex in the event the couple later divorces in Florida.

Up until 2010, Florida case law was all over the ballpark and tended to vary from one region (technically known as a judicial “district”) of the state to another, making outcomes in family court often unpredictable and inconsistent across Florida.

But the treatment of premarital property in divorce court was finally settled in an important Florida Supreme Court decision in 2010, and now the law is uniform throughout the state of Florida.

Passive, market-driven appreciation during the marriage of separate premarital property in Florida is now considered marital property that should be divided between spouses in a divorce.

It is key to recognize that this new rule applies only to the appreciation of the premarital property, not to the entire value of the property as a whole. At least one spouse often glosses over this significant distinction.

And for anyone potentially impacted by this – or any other – dramatic change in the law, another takeaway lesson is that it is important never to lose sight of all of the particular facts and circumstances of your case.

As an example, I recently tried a case in which my client had purchased the marital home prior to the marriage, but had paid the mortgage with his salary earned during the marriage. Legally, considered marital funds.

Not surprisingly, the opposing party claimed an interest in the marital home. Half of the entire value of it. And my client’s goal was to defeat his spouse’s claim to any part of the home.

At first blush, my client’s goal might have seemed unattainable in light of the Florida Supreme Court case discussed here. That was certainly our family court’s initial take on the situation at trial.

But my client’s divorce court case had been filed by his spouse prior to rendering of this new divorce law ruling. When the family law in our particular district in Florida, the fourth district, still favored my client’s position.

So, I argued at trial in family court that the new Florida Supreme Court decision entered after my client’s case was filed should not apply to my client’s case.

And, after hearing my argument, the trial court in family court agreed with me.

And my client got to retain the full value of their marital home as his separate premarital property.

Read more in this Florida Supreme case on property division of premarital property in divorce.

If you are the spouse who earned less income, you may be able to collect some more social security based on your ex’s greater earnings and social security benefits.

Specifically, you may be entitled to half of your ex’s benefits.

You may even be able to collect six months’ worth of your share of their benefits for six months retroactively.

And, if you outlive your ex, you may be entitled to collect their full benefit.

All provided you were married to your ex for at least ten years.

There are some additional options and twists to collecting social security based on your ex’s social security entitlement.

It is well worth checking to make sure that you request and receive from social security all that the law entitles you to.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: Boosting Mom’s Social Security Payments – When a Divorce Pays Off

But divorce often is the result of stress as well. Including external stresses.

A report has recently come out ranking the largest fifty US metropolitan areas according to how stressful each is to live in.

The criteria that factor into the ranking include extent of:

1. divorce

2. unemployment

3. violent crime

4. property crime

5. suicides

6. alcohol consumption

7. mental health

8. sleep troubles

9. commute times and

10. cloudy days

Each of the stress-ranking criteria (including divorce rate but excluding number of cloudy days) would seem to be directly impacted by the recession and weakened state economy.

Despite Florida’s generally pleasant, sunny climate, our state’s larger urban areas, including West Palm Beach, occupy five of the ten most stressful positions among metropolitan areas in the US.

Of particular interest is that West Palm Beach’s divorce rate of 10.67% lies in the ninety-third percentile. Orlando has a 10.7% divorce rate, Jacksonville 12.3%, Tampa 12.3% and Miami 11. 5%.

Read more in this CNBC article: Most Stressful Cities.

They resort to in vitro fertilization and freeze some of the embryos created for possible future use.

Husband’s and Wife’s marriage breaks down.

They are divorcing.

What happens to their frozen embryos?

Or, more precisely, which spouse gets to decide what happens to their frozen embryos?

To some extent, that depends on which state the couple live in. The case law, to the extent that there is state case law, goes every which way.

Prudence may suggest coming to an agreement on this issue before going down that road.

That may be done as part of a broader prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement.

Or it may be incorporated into an agreement with the in vitro fertility center.

The perfect solution? In theory, yes, but, in practice, maybe not so much, at least, depending upon where the interested parties live.

Because at least two states, New Jersey and Massachusetts, have reportedly cast such agreements aside in the face of one parent’s subsequent change of heart to no longer wanting to become a parent to a new baby.

Florida, on the other hand, not only recognizes agreements regarding frozen embryos but actually mandates that such agreements be made in advance (although this is not divorce-specific law but more a requirement of reproductive rights law).

It is worth noting, however, that, in the absence of such an agreement, Florida law explicitly recognizes the legal rights of both spouses over the embryos. A very good reason to make an agreement in advance and greatly reduce, if not eliminate, the uncertainty in the event of a later divorce.

But if the couple neglects to enter an agreement (or, presumably, if the agreement is ambiguous), it remains anyone’s guess what a court will decide to do with a couple’s frozen embryos.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: In Divorce, Who Gets the Embryos?

For many divorcing and separating parents of special needs children, not only are they new to the law governing divorce and child custody, but also the complex patchwork quilt of state and federal laws that may impact their special needs child’s long-term financial and legal future, into their adulthood …

And the special measures, far beyond the Individual Education Plan (IEP) their child may have, that they, as parents of special needs children, may need to take to protect their special needs children’s long-term legal and financial interests, into their special needs adult life.

This means that these parents have a lot to learn, more than most divorcing and separating parents. And a lot to do.

As far as the divorce or separation itself, child support is, of course, part and parcel of it if there are minor children, and most divorcing and separating parents know that. But many divorcing and separating parents are fuzzy on the particulars of child support.

Many divorcing and separating parents in Florida know that the obligation to support a child generally ends at the age of eighteen, and that the amount of child support is based upon statutory guidelines. True enough.

But what they usually do not know is that, where divorcing and separating parents in Florida have a special needs child, there are a couple of special twists to child support law.

First, the obligation to support a child who is dependent, such as a special needs child, may extend beyond the child’s eighteenth or nineteenth birthday or completion of high school, indeed, indefinitely. The child’s dependency must be the result of physical or mental incapacities from childhood.

Second, the amount of the child support obligation for a special needs child may deviate from the amount provided for in the child support guidelines. A greater amount of support may be awarded based upon the intact family’s preexisting spending to meet the child’s special needs.

Where the divorcing or separating parents of a special needs child have not done any special needs planning for their special needs child, their divorce or separation doubles as an opportunity to learn about special needs planning for their special needs child and to undertake some measures for the protection of their special needs child’s long-term financial and legal interests, into their adult lives with special needs.

Care and treatment for a special needs child over their lifetime can be quite expensive. It is never too early in their special needs child’s life for their parents to :

1. agree on and jointly designate formally a guardian for their special needs child in the event that both parents should die or otherwise be unable to care for their special needs child

2. consider seeking out government benefits available to their special needs child

3. consider ensuring that no gifts or inheritances pass directly to their special needs child, which could jeopardize their special needs child’s access to government benefits, such as Medicaid

4. consider establishing a special needs trust for their special needs child, to provide for their special needs child’s supplemental needs into their adulthood, without jeopardizing any government benefits their special needs child may receive, such as Medicaid

Read more in this Chicago Tribune article: Caregiving? Take care to plan for long term

Accordingly, couples should reach agreement on the following matters before tying the knot:

1. how will expenses be shared / paid

2. which spouse will provide medical insurance, and how will it be paid for

3. to whom will each spouse leave their assets upon their death

4. should each spouse’s life / estate planning documents (wills, living trusts, powers of attorney, health care surrogates, etc.) be changed

5. should designations of beneficiaries of each spouse’s nonprobate assets (life insurance, IRAs, bank and brokerage accounts, etc.) be changed

6. should the couple enter a prenuptial agreement or prenup

7. should each spouse change their designations of beneficiaries of any other retirement, social security or pension benefits, and should the other spouse sign any necessary waivers of interest in such assets

8. has each spouse assessed the impact on their cash flow of loss of alimony and survivor’s benefits from previous spouses

The above considerations are not exhaustive but should serve as a springboard for discussion.

Read more in this Fairfield CT Minuteman News article: Financial planning for later-life marriages.

These notions usually bear no relation whatsoever to the reality prevailing in family court here in South Florida.

They are typically idealistic as to how courts operate routinely, let alone during periods of budget cuts and the like, which can exert a sudden, dramatic impact.

Divorcing couples in South Florida would probably be even more shocked by the current reality in divorce courts in Essex County, New Jersey, which is close to New York City.

Specifically, all divorce trials of contested divorce cases in the family courts have been suspended / stopped / canceled. Indefinitely.

With six judicial vacancies unfilled, there simply aren’t enough judges to hear all the divorce cases waiting to be heard.

Reportedly because the governor of New Jersey has held up appointments of judges.

Reportedly because the opposing political party has held up appointments of commissioners to local governmental bodies.

So, perhaps impatient divorcing couples in South Florida should take solace in the fact that they don’t live in Essex County, New Jersey. Where the situation could always be worse.

Read more in this Wall Street Journal piece: Want a Divorce in New Jersey? Get in Line