Tips for Getting Through Your Divorce … and With Better Results

There really are a great many tips that divorce attorneys and other professionals can offer for “getting through” divorce.

Across the broad spectrum of surviving with both body and soul intact. And the equally broad spectrum of not losing your shirt / ensuring your ability to acquire a new shirt in the future.

And the perhaps even broader spectrum of promoting your children surviving your divorce without being manipulated like pawns, to facilitating that your children don’t miss a beat and continue to have positive, close relationships with both parents.

Such tips could fill a book – a large one. But a few basic tips actually cut across all aspects of divorce (and child custody cases too) and transcend any particular issues in any specific case, no matter how unique.

A colleague has spelled them out again, and they are well worth repeating, again. In some sense, the first bullet point below really covers it all.

1. Help your lawyer – Every case and couple is unique. Your lawyer is the expert on the law, and legal strategy and tactics. You are the expert on your ex, and the facts and circumstances of your family and case. You are the only one who can educate your lawyer on what he or she should know to help your case.

2. Arm your lawyer – Teach your lawyer about your family. Preferably in detail, in writing. Writing it down will encourage you to think carefully and be complete. It will also promote everyone on your legal team being fully informed. And it will do so at the least cost to you.

3. Prioritize – You’ve gone to the trouble and expense of hiring the best lawyer for your case. No, you aren’t done there. It’s still your case. You must be an active hands-on participant. And how fully you participate sends a message to everyone involved in your case. It can be a good message or a bad message. A message that says you really care – or are just trying not to be bothered / hurt too badly.

4. Keep your eye on the prize and adapt – Don’t indulge your emotions. Pick your battles. Pace yourself. Never lose sight of the forest for the trees.

5. Don’t be a stranger – Keep your attorney up-to-date. Touch base. It ain’t over until the last vocalist to sing sings.

I’ll toss in a couple of bonus tips of my own.

  • Don’t go to the other extreme and overdo it.
  • Stop and listen to your attorneys. If you are overloading your attorneys with information that they keep telling you is not helpful for one reason or another, let it go. People sometimes get bogged down in (usually emotional) stuff that, while understandably important to them, just isn’t legally relevant to “no fault” divorce in Florida. Most family court judges have no interest in – and little tolerance for hearing – why things went wrong in your relationship and which of you is the better person, etc.

Read more in this Huffington Post piece: 5 Tips To Help You Through Your Divorce.


Paternal Grandfather in Small-Town USA Allegedly Shoots Grandchildrens’ Mother and Maternal Grandmother Following Child Custody Hearing

Arizona Grandfather has cared for Grandchildren for extended periods of time.

Now Mother apparently is seeking custody of Grandchildren through the family courts.

After a hearing, before family members leave the family courthouse, Grandfather allegedly shoots Mother, Grandmother and Aunt. Mother and Grandmother died.

For those who might imagine that the grass is greener somewhere else, Grandfather has only a few traffic tickets on his record and this happened at a family courthouse in a “rural” area of Arizona.

Grandfather lives in a town with a population of roughly … 5,000.

Read more in this Yahoo news article by way of Associated Press: Authorities: Courthouse gunman was in dispute over grandkids.


Family Court Judge in Child Custody Dispute Orders That Young Prodigy With Career Potential and Shot at Full Tuition College Scholarship Cannot Play Competitively or Train Professionally For a Year

Ten year old Girl is by all accounts one heck of a golfer, with a bright professional future and a great shot at a full scholarship for college.

At least, until a Virginia family court judge ruled that Girl cannot compete professionally for the next year.

And cannot play for more than five hours per week for the next year.

And cannot receive coaching by a pro for the next year.

Why is some judge running Girl’s life for her?

Because this ten year old’s parents are embroiled in a custody battle over her. For the past seven of her ten years.

Girl’s Father introduced her to the game. And plays the sport with her. And is her main coach.

But Girl’s Mother has sole legal and physical custody of Girl.

And Father has been ordered to take anger management classes.

But Father isn’t the only one angry over the judge’s ruling.

The entire golf community seems positively outraged.

Of course, what nobody knows, other than Mother and Father and the family court judge, are the factors that went into the judge’s ruling.

One reported consequence of the ruling is that Father has less timesharing with Girl.

The bottom line is that whether someone else would agree or disagree with the judge’s reasoning, it is almost certain that the ruling was not arbitrary.



Murder By … Bad Behavior?

Boyfriend and Girlfriend have two children together, over the course of eleven years together.

Their relationship was reportedly rocky though.

Girlfriend was hospitalized several times, allegedly as a result of physical abuse by Boyfriend.

But Girlfriend was also hospitalized on other occasions, for mental health issues.

Were the mental health hospitalizations the result of alleged abuse by Boyfriend as well?

It seems the prosecuting agency in Minnesota just might argue that.

Because prosecutors there have charged Boyfriend with murder and manslaughter, as well as stalking, following Girlfriend’s tragic death by … suicide.

The prosecution’s inventive theory is that Boyfriend’s alleged psychological and physical abuse, in effect, drove Girlfriend to commit suicide … a few days after she signed herself out of a mental health facility.

The charges are novel and bold, undoubtedly well-intentioned and undeniably policy-driven.

But, politics aside, it’s hard to imagine this case going anywhere. Since criminal convictions require proof of guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.

Read more in this People magazine article: Man Charged with Murder After His Ex-Girlfriend Commits Suicide to ‘Escape the Relationship’ in Rare Case, Says Prosecutor