Husband and Wife marry in the UK and have Daughter there, where they live.

After a couple of years, Husband and Wife break up.

Wife is primary residential parent but Husband has substantial visitation and timesharing.

Husband is from Libya.

During Husband’s timesharing almost three years ago, Husband allegedly abducts Daughter and flies with her to Libya.

Libya is not a party to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.

Neither Wife nor the UK could do much about the abduction.

Eventually, Wife moves to Libya to pursue legal action there.

Husband allows her little to no contact with Daughter.

Eventually, a Libyan Court grants her timesharing for two hours a week – until Husband appeals successfully.

More than two years later, Wife prevails and is able to return with Daughter to the UK.

By this time, Daughter remembers little English and they are virtual strangers to one another.

Husband will not be prosecuted for kidnapping, by Wife’s agreement.

About three hundred British children are abducted out of the UK by a parent each year.

Read more in this Fabulous: News of the World Magazine article: My husband stole my baby.

Husband and Wife have had a stormy relationship for some time.

Their lives are far removed from the legal system.

Their resources are modest.

They have a Toddler and an early Teen.

Wife decides to divorce. Wife hires a divorce attorney.

Husband does not.

Eventually, the Court orders mediation by a courthouse-employed Mediator, before trial.

Wife goes to mediation with her attorney.

Discussion turns to visitation and timesharing.

Wife states that Toddler should not be away from Wife overnight, in fact, not for very long at all.

Wife’s attorney agrees.

Mediator then agrees.

Wife’s attorney states that Court won’t “impose” visitation and timesharing on Teen.

Mediator agrees that Teen will just do what Teen wants, so there’s no point in addressing timesharing with Teen in a settlement agreement.

Husband looks slowly around the conference table.

They all agree, he thinks silently. I guess I should … have to … agree.

Husband’s head nods agreement, but Husband’s heart silently protests.

Mediation runs long, so no agreement is signed that day. Fortunately for Husband.

Here is the untold story at mediation …

Husband has always worked evenings. Wife has always worked days.

Husband is the one who wakens the children every morning and gets them into their daily routine.

Husband and Toddler shuttle Teen to school on weekdays.

Husband takes Toddler back home and remains with Toddler until Toddler and Husband leave to pick Teen up from school.

Husband is the one who interacts with Teen’s teachers at school on a routine basis.

No need for daycare for Toddler. Husband is with him.

Husband is the one who takes Teen and Toddler to the pediatrician, the dentist, shopping for clothing and supplies, etc.

Husband is the one who chauffeurs Teen and Toddler to their daily activities.

Husband is the one who does activities with Teen and Toddler on weekend days, while Wife works.

In other words, from Teen’s and Toddler’s perspectives, Husband has been the “at home” parent, doing all the things an “at home” parent generally does.

Had Husband signed an agreement reflecting what Wife, Wife’s attorney and even the Mediator seemed to favor, Husband would have fared much worse in the settlement than he almost certainly would have fared in court.

Yes, Husband might have saved a lot of money by settling as the other participants steered him, but he would have lost out on having any further real relationship with Teen and Toddler.

Husband would have gotten the shaft.

Unfortunately, mediation horror stories are recounted to me regularly by people trying to cope with the aftermath of entering a bad settlement.

Mediation can save spouses money, time and bad feeling. Read more about that aspect of mediation in this press release by a mediator: Mediation: Affordable Bridge from Marital Strife to Happy Life.

But that’s true only if you don’t get the shaft.

Don’t misunderstand. Bad outcomes don’t make mediation a bad tool.

But it does make mediation potentially very dangerous for the unwary and untrained.

Ways to improve the likelihood of a fair and reasonable settlement at mediation:

1. having an attorney of your own to represent you at mediation

2. if you absolutely can’t afford that, the next best thing is to have an attorney of your own review any proposed settlement agreement and advise you on it before you sign it – afterwards is too late

3. if you absolutely can’t afford even that, it’s still better than nothing to at least consult with an attorney about your rights prior to your mediation

Bottom line: do yourself a favor. Don’t get the shaft. In the long run, that will cost you – and perhaps your children – a lot … in both money and grief.

Louisiana has legal gambling.

Some divorced and separated parents of Louisiana children collectively owe $1 billion in child support. Many individual parents owe more than $10,000.

Some of those parents win money gambling though.

What’s wrong with this picture?

A Louisiana senator believes a parent’s gambling winnings should be applied to that parent’s back child support.

And he’s introduced legislation to make that happen, at least where the parent’s winnings exceed $1,200.

This is likely easier, less expensive and generally more effective than garnishing wages and suspending driver’s and professional licenses.

If the proposed legislation is passed, Louisiana will join the ranks of states that already look to gambling winnings for child support arrears.

Read more in this [Louisiana] Daily World editorial: Seize winnings of deadbeat parents.

Husband wants Wife to come outside to talk with him.

Wife refuses.

So Husband allegedly “shoots up” Wife’s house.

And two of her neighbors’ houses too.

The neighbors made the mistake of noticing Husband stalking Wife.

Husband is arrested for multiple counts each of reckless endangerment and use of a dangerous weapon.

At the time of his arrest, he is in possession of an assault rifle.

Husband is convicted of the charges against him.

Husband is sentenced to three consecutive five year prison terms.

Husband is also sentenced to additional time which will run concurrently.

Husband is also sentenced to twelve years of extended supervision.

Husband is a retired police officer.

Read more in this Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article: Retired police officer sentenced in shooting up house.

For more than a decade, there has been a tax credit for expenses of adoption.

In theory, the idea behind the tax credit was to encourage adoption of children out of foster care.

But, in reality, eighty percent of the credits went to those adopting privately.

The re-worked adoption tax credit now affords a tax refund to the many adopting families who don’t earn enough income or otherwise have enough tax liability to get the full benefit of the tax credit (approximately $13,000).

Although foster care adoption itself costs less than private adoptions, many of the adoptees have special needs that may cost their adoptive families more over time.

Child welfare agency workers now need to get the word out about the revamped adoption tax credit.

Read more in this Columbus [OH] Dispatch article: Adoption credit expanded.

Long Island Husband and Wife are married for thirty years.

It’s not the best of marriages.

Wife allegedly threatens Husband with a three foot long samurai sword near his chest.

Husband claims to have had to lock himself in his room overnight for safety.

Later, Wife moves to another state to start a business.

Husband files for divorce.

New York still requires fault-based grounds for divorce, unless the spouses legally separate for a year under a settlement agreement.

Husband asserts cruel and inhuman treatment by Wife as his grounds, citing the samurai sword incident.

Trial court doesn’t buy Husband’s grounds, because Husband wasn’t hurt, didn’t go to the hospital and didn’t call the police. And because Husband holds a black belt in karate…

All is not lost however.

Trial court finds that the ground of abandonment is met, by Wife’s relocation out of state.

Husband and Wife are successfully divorced.

But Wife may appeal.

Read more in this New York Daily News article: Family court judge says Samurai sword attack not grounds for divorce.

Across the nation, communities have been sponsoring events large and small to raise awareness of child abuse and recognize that April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month.

There are over 100,000 reports of child abuse each year in North Carolina alone.

Child abuse can take the form of actual violence, sexual assault, psychological volleys or neglect.

Anyone who suspects that a child is being abused should report the suspected abuse and let trained investigators make the final call.

Ceremonies honor child advocates and child victims.

Florida hosted its first Faith Leader Prevention and Permanency Roundtable, attracting forty leading spiritual leaders from around the state.

In Virginia, children created a pinwheel garden.

Everywhere, literature and programs are distributed to educate communities about local resources available to victims and families.

Read more in

• this Asheville [NC] Citizen Times article: Child abuse prevention focus of month’s events

• this Decatur [IL] Herald Review article: Cherish the Children event speaker urges action to prevent child abuse

• this Tallahassee [FL] WCTV CBS news article: Faith Leaders Focus On Child Abuse Prevention And Adoption Initiatives

• this Northern Virginia Daily news article: Pinwheel garden draws attention to abuse

Husband and Wife are divorced.

Husband used to own a successful car dealership in Tampa.

Husband was arrested a couple of weeks ago for not paying alimony to Wife and Wife’s attorney’s fees, as court ordered.

A civil warrant is issued against Husband.

Law enforcement officers go to Husband’s home.

Husband declines to answer the door, and hides in a closet.

Officers find an open window and enter Husband’s home.

Husband is arrested again for contempt of court and obstructing an officer without violence, by hiding from authorities.

Husband is released from confinement after posting a small bail … and paying the $119, 875 he was ordered to pay.

Read more in this Tampa Tribune article: Ex-auto dealer arrested again and this St. Petersburg Times article: Ernie Haire III hides in closet to avoid arrest on contempt charge, deputies say.

New York Boy meets Girl.

Boy proposes to Girl.

Girl accepts.

Boy puts a $17,500 diamond engagement ring on Girl’s finger.

A few months later, Girl has second thoughts and calls the engagement off.

Boy asks for engagement ring back.

Girl ignores Boy.

Finally, Boy files a lawsuit in civil court.

It is anticipated that the Court will rule in Boy’s favor, because an engagement ring is different from other gifts.

This particular type of gift is made specifically to “induce” marriage, and going through with the marriage is an implied condition of the gift.

Read more in this Staten Island [NY] Advance article: Diamond dispute: She dumps Staten Island man, but keeps ring.

Before tax season fades out of sight and out of mind, it is worth a refresher (or primer) on tax treatment of two of the most common types of payments required in a divorce settlement:

• Child Support – Child support is not deductible by the parent paying it, nor is it taxable income to the parent receiving it.

• Alimony – Alimony (or spousal support), however, is a different tax story. Alimony is generally deductible by the spouse paying it and taxable income to the spouse receiving it. According to a California CPA, it should be noted that alimony is not deductible for the period that the spouses live in the same residence. That California CPA also highlights that, for income tax purposes, support payments are applied first to child support, until it is paid in full, and only then to spousal support. So, if the paying spouse is behind in their payments, they will not get a tax benefit for characterizing payments as alimony when child support is not fully paid.

Read more in this Merced [CA] Sun-Star article: David Bruner, The Tax Man: Alimony, child support.