Many people have preconceived notions about victims of domestic violence. But they often aren’t correct.

For example, one victim of domestic violence is sharing her story. And she doesn’t fit any of the preconceptions.

She is the Dean of the University of Arkansas School of Law.

Arkansas has one of the highest rates in the US of homicides resulting from domestic violence.

The Dean is living proof that victims of domestic violence can escape, survive and flourish afterwards.

But the first step is getting out.

Read more in this Arkansas Democrat-Gazette article: U of A School of Law dean shares her domestic-abuse story.

A disturbing editorial rendering accounts of adults who were victims of parental alienation as children and the parents from whom they were alienated.

One particularly haunting account was of a young father who was being alienated from his children … and his sudden insight that what he was going through now was what happened to his own father when he was a child.

The morsel of hope to be drawn from the piece is that many children eventually come to understand as adults what went on when they were children – and re-establish bonds with the parent from whom they were alienated.

Sometimes lost in the shuffle is that the children are also victims of parental alienation – and that they are often scarred by the alienation. Even if they eventually re-attach to the alienated parent.

Read more in this Mens News Daily editorial – From ‘Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome’: Reuniting with the Targeted Parent (Part I).

One of the most common questions that parents pose to family lawyers arises from threats by one parent to have the other parent arrested for kidnapping.

In the majority of cases where this threat is related to family lawyers, there is absolutely no legal basis to support an arrest.

(Of course, that does not mean that the threatening parent cannot call every law enforcement agency he or she can get to talk to him or her, and attempt to enlist the agency’s aid, witting or unwitting, in harassing the other parent.)

A Texas father was actually recently indicted for kidnapping two of his own children during the parents’ latest custody battle. (The terms of any applicable child custody orders are not known.) The charges pressed were felony charges, imposing penalties of up to ten years.

The man allegedly struck his ex-wife in the head and drove off with two of their children. The man reportedly took the children to a nearby relative’s house for the night – with the intention of returning them to school / daycare the following day.

The man was acquitted.

Part of his defense was that he was incorrectly charged with kidnapping his children. At worst, his attorney apparently argued, he should have been charged with interference with custody. That is a lesser charge, with a maximum penalty of two years.

And, after hearing all of the evidence and circumstances, the jury evidently agreed that the man was not guilty of kidnapping.

Read more in this Midland Reporter Telegram article: Jury clears man of kidnapping charges.

Woman meets group of friends at local Chinese restaurant.

She arranged everything by e-mail from home.

She specifically chose that desination because she knew she wouldn’t encounter her ex-husband there, because he disliked Chinese food.

The woman’s ex had a history of controlling and abusive behaviors.

When she arrived, she was shocked to see him there.

How did he know?

How do an increasing number of former, controlling and abusive intimate partners in general keep tabs on their ex’s, and continue haunting their steps and their lives?

Unfortunately, computer spyware renders one’s personal computer “an open book”. Every keystroke is visible. All stored information accessible.

It is important for victims and potential victims of stalking and cyberstalking to be aware of this.

And, for sensitive matters, to only use computers that their abuser does not have access to. And to have their home computer “cleaned” after the abuser’s access is cut off.

Cyberstalking is a crime in Florida and many other states.

Read many good prevention and protection tips in this Emerald Coast article: Cyberstalking; it’s frightening, it’s intrusive, and it’s against the law.

Michigan couple divorces.

Mother’s parents maintain relationship with grandchildren for several years.

Mother relationship with her parents breaks down.

Mother denies grandparents access to grandchildren.

Children’s father apparently concurs with their mother.

The grandparents sued, arguing that placing the parents’ wishes above the grandparents violates the grandparents’ due process and equal protections rights under the constitution.

The Michigan appellate court denied the grandparents’ claims and upheld fit parents’ right to raise their children as they see fit, even if they agree to bar contact with grandparents.

Read more in this Detroit Free Press article: Both divorced parents must agree to grandparent visits, court rules.relationship breaks down.

A Swedish couple may have to get a divorce.

Their other option may be to seek citizenship in Denmark.

The reason?

They want their son to be able to take his mother’s maiden name as his middle name, before his father’s surname.

The problem?

It is forbidden by Swedish law …

Where the parents of the child are married.

It is perfectly legal where the parents are unmarried.

So, this couple has one premarital child whose middle name is the mother’s maiden name and surname the father’s last name.

But their son, who was born after the couple married, can’t have his mother’s maiden name as his middle name.

Not the most logical law.

But the couple lost their administrative challenge and their legal appeal.

The purpose of the law?

To hinder people from adopting names intended to foster the belief that they are aristocrats.

The statute is under review and may be reconsidered next year.

But by then, this couple may already be divorced. Or expatriated.

Read more in Sweden’s The Local article: Couple ‘will divorce’ if son can’t take mother’s name.

One of the regional directors of Florida’s Department of Children and Families thinks the foster care system it administers doesn’t work very well.

Some depressing statistics about foster care:

• Forty-four (44%) percent of foster children will be arrested [compared to fourteen (14%) percent of the general population]
• Fifty (50%) percent of foster girls will become mothers during their teens [compared to one-third of the general population]

Florida’s not unique in these respects. And there probably isn’t a whole lot of dispute about the quality of foster care.

But the question remains: how do we improve the foster care program?

The DCF director points out that children of divorce are traumatized by the loss of one parent from their day to day lives. Foster children lose both parents. On top of being abandoned, abused or neglected.

The director would attempt to minimize the trauma by keeping families intact. The director would greatly reduce the number of cases where children are removed from the home.

Instead the director would provide services in the home on an intensive and accelerated basis, with closer supervision afterward.

A small pilot program is underway right now. If successful, a larger pilot project will follow.

Read more in this Jacksonville Florida Times Union article: Strengthen families.

In Vienna, Austria, nearly sixty-six (66%) percent of marriages end in divorce.

That statistic may call for some creative strategies to help people through the process.

Thus was born the world’s first “Divorce Fair”.

Vienna’s Divorce Fair was expected to provide a venue for people contemplating divorce to consult with attorneys, mediators and other experts on the divorce process and picking up the pieces after divorce.

The Divorce Fair forum will not require attendees to identify themselves in order to consult with professionals. (This raises certain ethical questions for attorneys under US standards of practice, but we don’t have divorce fairs in the US – at least not yet.)

The Divorce Fair also was anticipated to present information about parenting and experiencing divorce from a child’s perspective.

Read more in this AFP article: Vienna to host world’s first-ever ‘divorce fair’.

A Wisconsin assistant district attorney describes her mission of criminally charging non-custodial parents who are seriously delinquent in their child support payments.

She aptly points out something that custodial parents often don’t get: the court can’t force a non-custodial parent to be a good parent. To actually visit their child, call their child, care for their child, do for their child, etc.

But under the right circumstances, there is one thing the court can do. Make sure the non-custodial parent pays their child support obligations. Sooner or later. Or risk jail time.

Read more in this Washington Post article: Corralling Deadbeat Dads.

Another October is here and, sadly, we still need this month to serve as Domestic Violence Awareness month.

In Texas, shoes are hanging from the trees by a county courthouse – one pair for every person who died there of domestic assault in the preceding year.

One hundred twenty-six people. In Walker County alone.

The special events coordinator of the “In Their Shoes” event reminds us of the pervasiveness of domestic violence in our society.

“It’s happening between all family types — siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates — and no age group is safe.”

She also emphasizes an important, often overlooked message: “[a]buse can be emotional, verbal, financial, sexual or physical.”

Read more in this Huntsville [TX] Item article: SAAFE House’s ‘In Their Shoes’ focuses on domestic violence.