Although the general public may be the last to know it, the times have changed in family courts across the nation.

In contemporary divorce courts, mothers are routinely ordered to pay child support to fathers, who have primary custody of their children.

And, in modern family courts, wives are not infrequently ordered to pay spousal support or alimony to their soon-to-be ex-husbands.

The recession and its impact on men’s employment and earnings has only accelerated and magnified pre-existing emerging trends.

Nowadays, dads are more likely than ever to be home with the kids or, at the least, sharing more caregiving duties more of the time.

And moms are more likely than ever to be out working, and working more hours – and more than occasionally outearning their husbands and former husbands.

Read more in this Business Insider article: More Men Are Winning Battles In Divorce Court Today

Husband and Wife have Daughter together.

Husband was a US army officer stationed in the United Arab Emirates. Husband recently left the military, taking a private contractor position in Dubai.

Wife reportedly returns home from work one day to find all her belongings outside the home, and a note from Husband informing her that he has Daughter and will be seeking a divorce.

Pregnant and broke, Wife turns to the US embassy for help, claiming to be a victim of domestic abuse.

Wife, who hails from Tennessee, files for divorce and child custody in Tennessee family court. But she hasn’t set foot in Tennessee for eight months.

Giving Husband a basis to file an emergency motion to dismiss Wife’s case in Tennessee.

But the Tennessee family court denies Husband’s motion. (Florida courts, among others, recognize military personnel stationed outside their home state as still being residents of their home state.)

And the Tennessee family court further orders Husband to return Daughter to Tennessee. But the prospect of enforcing the Tennessee family court order in Dubai is not encouraging.

Dubai is not a party to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, and does not generally recognize court orders entered in the US.

Read more in this 7 Days in Dubai article: US mother seeks daughter’s return from UAE.

Husband and Wife have been married for over two decades. Wife has been unhappy for a long time.

But now the kids are grown and on their own. Wife is ready for her divorce.

An uncontested divorce is what she wants. After all, it’s cheaper, faster and easier that way.

Yes, of course, other things being equal, an uncontested divorce is going to be less costly, quicker and less emotional than a contested divorce. But other things aren’t always equal.

That’s Wife’s situation.

Wife gave Husband the uncontested divorce paperwork to sign. About a year ago.

But Husband just won’t sign it. He comes up with excuse after excuse for delaying it.

Wife finally realizes / accepts that Husband isn’t going to sign off on an uncontested divorce.

Wife thinks Husband is undergoing a middle-aged sexual identity crisis. Hiding from the truth.

Clinging to the marriage as though it validates the image of himself that he wants everyone – including himself – to buy.

She may be right. She may be wrong. It doesn’t really matter.

Wife can’t force Husband to sign the uncontested divorce paperwork that she paid for. And she can’t get her uncontested divorce without Husband’s signoff.

So her uncontested divorce is dead in the water. So close, yet so far.

Wife is just about ready to give up on getting her divorce. Of course, she has other options.

Such as simply filing for a divorce and letting the case play out.

The odds are decent that Husband won’t actually contest any aspect of the divorce. Husband is frugal and even-tempered.

While Husband may not want the divorce, he may not dread it enough to spend significant sums of money and emotional upset to fight it – futilely.

Because if Wife wants a divorce, she’s going to be able to get one. If she actually files for divorce, that is.

But Wife isn’t going to file. Her heart is set on an uncontested divorce. Or nothing.

It’s Wife’s life. She can stay in her unhappy marriage indefinitely … and wait for Husband to sign off on the uncontested divorce paperwork.

And wait. And wait.

Cheaper, faster, easier? Not so much.

Budget cuts throughout the court system. A familiar refrain in Florida. And in New York state.

Floridians going through divorce may draw a small measure of consolation reading about the impact of their budget cuts on New Yorkers’ divorces, if not actually personally commiserating with New Yorkers going through divorces.

New York judges, lawyers and divorcing couples reportedly all agree that New York’s court system is unmanageable, makes the process cost more than it would if it were in better shape, and needs to be “repaired”.

A dedicated Commission has written a roadmap of where the New York courts need to go, but getting there is another story.

Today in New York, waits for a trial date can be a year. Divorce trials are often heard in small chunks, spread out over weeks and even months. Requiring that spouses and their attorneys make numerous separate court appearances and that working spouses miss a fair number of full or half days of work.

Of course, court administrators lay the blame on attorneys and spouses, for not settling their cases or seeking trials earlier in the process. A successful mediation program launched in Westchester County may be replicated in other counties.

The bottom line that came out of a meeting of attorneys in upstate New York is just as true in Florida as in New York:

1. disagreements over property division or child custody (or, for that matter, anything) will prolong a divorce and

2. one spouse has the power to, in effect, slam the brakes on the divorce

Underscoring the point that, if both spouses want a fast and inexpensive divorce, they must find a way to reach a settlement. Of course, that is often far easier said than done.

Read more in this [ Middletown, NY ] Times Herald-Record article: Divorces in New York eating up time and finances

Husband and Wife aren’t getting along.

Husband is kind of oblivious. Wife has pretty much made up her mind that she wants out.

What to do?

In years gone by, Wife might have suggested marital relationship counseling. And Husband very likely would have rejected the suggestion.

Today, Wife has another option, and it doesn’t require Husband’s participation, let alone commitment. It’s called discernment counseling (or mixed agenda counseling), and it’s a new concept.

And the purpose of it is to help Wife, the unhappy spouse in this instance, assess her options, including staying with Husband, and figure out what she really wants to do. On their own, on average, couples are stuck in an unhappy limbo for about six years.

Research shows that a significant percentage of divorcing spouses, maybe as many as thirty percent of individual spouses and both spouses in ten percent of divorcing couples, are open to reconciliation – and would avail themselves of a “reconciliation service” if one were provided through the divorce court system.

If desired, discernment counseling also facilitates coping by the spouse who wants to stay married.

Based on a small sampling of discernment couneling “patients”, forty percent opt to give reconciliation, utilizing marriage counseling, a try.

Marriage counselors advise:

• Bring up the subject of divorce early, rather than late, to open the lines of communication up before a decision to divorce is set in stone

• Give marriage counseling a shot if there is any conceivable chance of saving your marriage

• Allow your spouse the courtesy of reacting and responding

• Separate gradually

Read more in this Wall Street Journal article: When It’s Just Another Fight, and When It’s Over

Husband and Wife have Children.

Husband earns a pretty good salary. Wife earns substantially less.

Daycare is pretty expensive. It eats up a very substantial chunk of Wife’s salary.

Husband and Wife jointly decide that it just doesn’t make financial sense for Wife to work to, more or less, break even on daycare for the Children.

Fast forward.

Husband and Wife break up.

Now, Husband’s knee-jerk reaction is that he’s not going to pay for Wife to stay at home with Children. Wife should get out and get a job.

But Wife isn’t going to be able to earn any more money by virtue of the parents’ divorce or separation. And daycare won’t cost any less than it would have before the parents’ divorce or separation.

So, does it make any more financial sense for Wife to work, now that the pair are divorcing / separating? Is it any more cost-effective for Wife to work now that the pair are divorcing / separating?

While the legal landscape is certainly different and more legal considerations may need to be addressed, very carefully, despite Husband’s knee-jerk reaction, it may still be worthwhile to ask the above questions in the face of divorce or separation. And, depending upon the answers, take on the additional legal complexities and tackle the potential legal concerns head-on.

Read more in this CNN Money article: Moms: ‘I can’t afford to work’.

Husband and Wife have a Child.

Wife works part-time and serves as Child’s primary caregiver.

Husband is laid off from his job. No replacement job is in sight.

Husband and Wife are struggling financially.

At Husband’s suggestion, Wife increases her hours on her job to full-time, temporarily.

Husband then suggests that he stay home with Child, to save substantial daycare expenses, temporarily.

All perfectly plausible and reasonable, of course.

Watershed: In families with a child under 5 years old in which the wife works, twenty percent of husbands are the primary caregiver of their child. And nearly half of all fathers are at least equal contributors to rearing of their children.

Three, six or twelve months later, Husband tells Wife he wants a divorce … and primary custody of Child.

Wife refuses to agree to that custody arrangement. She insists that she has always been Child’s primary caregiver – until Husband’s recent layoff.

Since Husband and Wife can’t agree, visitation and timesharing issues will be decided by a family court judge after a trial.

But the family court judge may actually put a great deal of weight not on the timesharing and visitation arrangement that was in effect for the longest amount of time but, rather, on the relatively recent and current visitation and timesharing arrangement – especially if it seems to be working well and the Child is doing well. In other words, if it ain’t broke …

So it is that that casually undertaken agreement for Husband to stay home with Child could suddenly, unexpectedly, turn a lot less temporary – maybe even permanent.

Moral of the story: despite the recession and cultural shifts taking place around them, Wife – or Husband, as the case may be – should consider very carefully before making any big lifestyle change requested or suggested by the other parent that affects primary caregiving of their child, even on a short-term or temporary basis.

The request / suggestion may, of course, be made in total innocence.

But the ultimate impact a bit down the road could be dramatic and decisive. And potentially haunt them until their child’s eighteenth birthday.

Read more in this CNN Money news article: Stay-at-home dads: More men choosing kids over career.

Child is in kindergarten.

For reasons unknown, Child is acting out – badly. Child allegedly kicks Principal … and threatens to kill various school officials.

This is not Child’s first such incident at school. This time, Principal calls the police.

Child is kicking and screaming when police arrive, attributing his conduct to the devil. Police arrest Child … and charge him with battery.

The Principal expresses concern for the safety of other students and school personnel. But describes Child as a “good student-just having some difficulties”.

Law enforcement authorities state perhaps the most compelling reason for Child’s arrest: the juvenile justice system’s vast resources can be brought to bear toward helping this troubled Child … where his parents’ limited resources have failed and they, like his school, are frustrated and stymied.

This is one of a number of similar cases in the news recently. Juvenile delinquency is often a symptom of family difficulties.

The sad thing is that there may be undiscovered community resources available to help Child without resort to the juvenile justice system. Unfortunately, too often, such resources are not well publicized.

Pushing parents and schools to call the police on children. When the parents and the children in question might benefit more from consulting an attorney knowledgeable of the local juvenile courts and community resources and services for juveniles.

Read more in

• this [Cleveland] CBS News article: Kindergartner, 6, arrested and charged with battery for kicking principal

• this [Tampa] CBS WTSP News 10 article: 6-year-old arrested for kicking principal and

• this [UK] Daily Mail article: Six-year-old arrested and carted to police station in the back of a cop car after kicking and threatening to kill his principal

Texas Husband and Wife have five Children born during their long term marriage.

Wife takes the Children on vacation to Puerto Rico in June of 2009. Husband expects their return in August of that year.

But then Wife advises Husband that she and the Children will remain in Puerto Rico.

Husband waits until April of 2010 and only then files in Texas for divorce and a child custody determination.

In June of 2010, Wife seeks a divorce and child custody determination in Puerto Rico.

Wife participates by phone in the Texas family court case, seeking a continuance and objecting to the court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over her and child custody subject matter jurisdiction over the Children under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA). The Texas divorce court denies the continuance and advises Wife that the Texas trial will go forward immediately, with or without her.

The Texas divorce court grants Husband a divorce and divides the marital property. The Texas family court also exercises jurisdiction over the Children under the UCCJEA, citing exigent circumstances and consent by Wife, awards Husband primary custody of Children and orders return of the Children to Texas.

At about the same time, the Puerto Rican family court exercises jurisdiction over Children over Husband’s objection, based on the fact that Children have lived in Puerto Rico for over a year and that the Texas family court has implicitly recognized that it does not have jurisdiction over the Children in a previous child support order.

Wife appeals the Texas divorce court judgment, again challenging both its exercise of personal jurisdiction over her and of child custody subject matter jurisdiction over the Children under the UCCJEA.

On appeal, the Texas appellate court finds that Wife waived her objection to the Texas family court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over her by fully participating in the divorce issues before the divorce court at trial. Legally, a party may consent to a court’s exercise of personal jurisdiction over them, even if the court would not otherwise have personal jurisdiction.

Accordingly, the Texas appellate court affirms the Texas family court’s entry of Husband and Wife’s divorce and division of their marital property.

But the Texas family court’s exercise of child custody subject matter jurisdiction under the UCCJEA is another story.

Legally, subject matter jurisdiction cannot be consented to, or waived. If a court lacks it, as a matter of law, the court has no power or authority to proceed.

And the Texas appellate court finds that that was the case here. The home state of the Children had become Puerto Rico under the UCCJEA, where they had lived for more than six months prior to filing of either the Puerto Rican or Texas child custody cases.

The Puerto Rican family court never declined to exercise child custody subject matter jurisdiction over Children under the UCCJEA. And the circumstances in Texas did not fall within the strict requirements for exercise of temporary emergency jurisdiction, because the Children were not in Texas.

Therefore, the Texas appellate court dismisses all child custody orders entered and rulings made by the Texas family court under the UCCJEA, because the Puerto Rican family court has child custody subject matter jurisdiction over Children.

Read more in this Texas appellate court family law opinion

Danger can lurk in the most unlikely of places. Just ask Ex-Girlfriend.

Her Ex-Boyfriend is a deputy with our own Palm Beach County, Florida Sheriff’s office. They didn’t go the distance.

So, come Valentine’s Day, while on the job, Ex-Boyfriend allegedly detoured to Boca Raton from his Wellington patrol and:

• secretly put a GPS tracking device on Ex-Girlfriend’s car

• hung signs at the law firm where she works, labeling her new boyfriend “a home wrecker and a cheater”

• posted Ex-Girlfriend’s photo online, describing her as a “cheater” and a “user”

• hung signs near Ex-Girlfriend’s workplace, stating that Ex-Girlfriend and her new boyfriend have an STD

• threatened to commit suicide and

• placed unwanted orders to have pizza delivered at Ex-Girlfriend’s new boyfriend’s home

Ex-Boyfriend is arrested on misdemeanor stalking charges, and confined. This may be in his own best interests.

Ex-Boyfriend reportedly also faces criminal charges in nearby Martin County for violating a domestic violence restraining order of protection. It is unclear whether this incident pertains to Ex-Girlfriend as well.

Ex-Boyfriend’s current status with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s office is not indicated. Nor whether Ex-Boyfriend has received any specialized training to respond to complaints of domestic violence.

Read more in

1. this Broward / Palm Beach New Times piece: PBSO Deputy Patrick Burt Stalked His Ex With GPS, Police Say, and You Can Too

2. this Broward / Palm Beach New Times piece: Patrick Burt, PBSO Deputy Charged With Stalking, Facing Domestic Violence Charges in Martin County Too and

3. this WPBF-TV 25 ABC news article: Patrick Burt allegedly posted unflattering comments on Cheaterville.com